Surviving the States
by wwwwwww
Summary: While several Smashers were deployed to countries like China and India, Roy, Marth, Link were deployed to the U.S. Will they get used to life in the States? Or go insane trying? Finished!
1. Peanuts and Pilot Wings

Author's Notes: Hey! It's NekoRaven. ::crickets:: Right. Here's another Roy, Marth, and Link fic. Sorry, I've wanted to do it for such a long time. I mean it. LONG. I must have typed up the beginning to it two or three times. So, I have a feeling this one'll go over better than the others. Whee! I'm done.  
  
You ever played 'Fire Emblem'? You should.  
  
Disclaimer: Meh, you know the drill. Me no own...anything. Not even Roy. No. ;_; ::sob::  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
"Bring...me...to...LIFE!!" came a shout from the plane soaring among the clouds.  
  
This continued forever as the song droned on, annoying mostly everyone within a ten-mile radius. The shrieking red-haired perpetrator sang at the top of his lungs in his window seat, loud and proud.  
  
"Wake me up INSIDE! Wake me up INSIDE! Call my NAME and SAVE ME FROM THE- -!"  
  
The shouting boy's companion in the seat next to him sank down a bit, tense in his seat. He gripped the armrests with his hands and gritted his teeth in frustration. It had to be about fifteen times he had told his partner-in- crime to politely 'shut-it' and watch out the window. As if this whole thing wasn't frustrating enough, to be in a foreign country they've never visited before. And barely even knowing their way around. Now they were tagging along a squawking parrot. Life was so wonderful.  
  
Out of all the Smashers to be paired with, he gets paired with the hyper swordsmen and the living marshmallow. Why couldn't he explore Argentina with Fox and Zelda? Or with go with Mario and Luigi in Burma?  
  
Marth, the tense companion, growled. "Will somebody do something?! I can't take it anymore!"  
  
"You chose to sit with him, Marth. Live wit it!" the third Hylian companion in the seat before commented, then continued to hum quietly to the song playing on his own headphones.  
  
The blue-haired swordsman gasped. "I did not! You guys always stick me with him!" he pointed to the boy next to him, who was now again belting out the chorus.  
  
"Poyo!" the little bubblegum-colored ball in the seat beside the green-clad Hylian, Link, vocalized happily.  
  
"GAH!" Marth shouted and leaned over Roy, the singer, and opened the window cover, revealing the beautiful landscape below. A crazed yet angry look appeared in Marth's blue eyes. "I SWEAR I'LL JUMP!"  
  
"CALL MY NAME AND SAVE ME- -!"  
  
Marth rolled back into a ball in his seat. A good dose of therapy and meditation would solve this problem. Then he'd be set. No more freaky outbursts. Sane, sane Marth. He sobbed silently.  
  
"WAKE ME UP- -!" Roy suddenly stopped short as Kirby leaned over the back of his seat and shoved a giant red apple into Roy's mouth. His bright blue eyes stared at Kirby, then slowly to Marth, and then slowly back to Kirby.  
  
Link, who wasn't used to the whole plane ride without Roy's performance, suddenly noticed the quiet. He took off his headphones, got on his knees, and leaned over the back of his own seat in front of Roy. Link began laugh, but tried conceal it with his hand. Of course, that didn't work. Link's snickering disrupted the silence.  
  
Marth, still curled up, suddenly realized the silence as well and became full of hope. He sat up quickly as his eyes became wider, staring at the now silence Roy. Marth burst out laughing.  
  
"Poyo poyo!" Kirby chorused and waved his arms above his head.  
  
"Jeez." was all Roy could say.  
  
Marth was now near tears. "K-Kirby! THANK YOU!" he bowed. "THANK YOU!"  
  
Kirby blushed.  
  
Link could no longer conceal the laughter bursting from within.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, let's all make a big deal out of it. How would YOU like to have your performance interrupted like that?" Roy pouted and looked out the window, headphones still on.  
  
"POYO!" shrieked Kirby.  
  
"Meh, same to you, buddy." grumbled Roy.  
  
As everyone went back to enjoying the quiet, a blond woman in a fancy flight uniform started to walk down the aisle of the plane with a few small plastic packs. Roy turned towards the lady slowly as he heard her footsteps. An alarm went off in his head.  
  
"...Airline peanuts?" Roy said to himself silently as his head followed the woman. He jumped up suddenly, headphones yanked off, and startling Marth.  
  
Oh no, Marth thought to himself. What is it now? No peace. There was never peace when the three companions were together.  
  
Roy's eyes went as wide as they had before, engulfed by the peanuts' trance. He started glared at the woman, who had ignored their side of the plane. She was now walking towards the back. Roy decided that he must get the peanuts at all costs. He quickly climbed on top of Marth to get out of their section.  
  
"ROY!" Marth shouted as Roy stepped on his head.  
  
Now that he was in the aisle, Roy began to run down the lady. He zoomed past the other passengers with an insane look spread across his face.  
  
"Mommy, what's wrong with that guy?" a kid pointed and asked his mother worriedly.  
  
"I don't know, honey. Maybe we shouldn't find out."  
  
"NYAAAAAA!" screamed Roy as he leaped into the air, the wind blowing freely through his hair as he held his arms outstretched. The woman had no idea what was coming.  
  
"Huh?" the woman asked as a teen she was serving peanuts to pointed behind her. Her eyes became wide as she shrieked, "EEEEEYAAAAAAHH!!"  
  
But it was too late. The pyro had already made his leap and landed on the woman, knocking them both over. Fear struck the frightened woman's eyes.  
  
"You have something I want," Roy narrowed his eyes and peered at the lady's nametag. "Cindy."  
  
"H-How do you know my name?" questioned the dense assistant.  
  
"Who cares? Gimme what I want."  
  
"I-I don't know what you're talking about!"  
  
"Yes, you do."  
  
"I-I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable. Can you get off me, please?"  
  
"No!" Roy snapped. Cindy narrowed her eyes as the rest of the passengers stared in fright and whispered rumors of the psych ward letting out early.  
  
Marth glared at the redhead from his seat and whispered loudly yet warningly, "Roy! What the heck do you think you're doing?!"  
  
"Ex-CUSE me?" Cindy replied.  
  
"I said 'no'!"  
  
"Well! Someone didn't take their medication this morning!" Cindy said, shoving Roy onto the ground and standing in front of him. "Now you listen! You don't come running up to someone like that and glompin'em, you hear?!"  
  
Roy glared with large blue eyes.  
  
"Now, whaddya want from me?!"  
  
Brushing himself off silently, Roy stood up. He opened Cindy's clenched hand and took the peanut bag she was holding tightly. Surely this was the weirdest so-called "hold-up" the passengers had ever seen. Content with his bag of peanuts, Roy walked down the aisle and back to his seat. He achieved several confused and perplexed glares from the other passengers. Some breathed a sigh of relief that there wasn't some psycho running around rabid trying to knock over innocents.  
  
Cindy, face flustered and hair wildly out of place, let out a frustrated yell and stormed through the back doors shouting, "Where's my dang medications?!"  
  
Marth was slumped in his seat, face as red as Cindy's, out of embarrassment. When Roy returned, he climbed over back over Marth as he did before. Why bother, thought Marth. My life is over. Roy sat back down and put his headphones back on while munching on peanuts.  
  
"This is so wrong." Marth said to himself as he peered out the window. "What do you think, Link?"  
  
No reply.  
  
"...Link?"  
  
Marth quickly climbed out of his seat in panic and looked over Link's. The seat was empty.  
  
"No..." Marth groaned. "Link!"  
  
Crazed laughter echoed from the plane's bathroom.  
  
"Please, no..." Marth quickly turned his head to the bathroom. It couldn't be.  
  
"AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" the laughter echoed again.  
  
The bathroom door suddenly opened and flew off the hinges. In the doorway stood a green-clad blond figure...wrapped loosely in toilet paper and covered randomly with "Pilot Wings" stickers. The passengers screamed, wondering what was wrong with the world today and why they woke up that morning.  
  
"I have..." the figure said slowly, then held up a can for the world to see. "...COKE!"  
  
The passengers screamed again. An elderly lady in the seat in the section next to Marth and Roy fainted into Marth's arms. He looked at her and put her back in her seat quickly.  
  
"Link? Is that you?!" Marth asked.  
  
"No, peon!! I am...the Flying Coca Cola Man! MWAHAHAHAHA!" Link shouted as he began to run wildly throughout first-class.  
  
Many screams and expletives were heard as Link tore through the plane like a rabid maniac. Objects were flying. Women hid their children and covered their eyes so they would be spared the sight. Men conversed about how to stop the horrible conspiracy. Roy was unaware of anything going on while eating peanuts, listening to the radio, and watching the world go by out the window.  
  
It was then that Marth realized that the pink plushie was also nowhere to be seen. He looked frantically in the chaos, but found nothing.  
  
But a happy "Poyo!" rang in Marth's ears.  
  
Kirby was standing on a platform on the floor, staring at a big, shiny, red button on the wall next to him. It was calling him as it sparkled in his eyes. Of course, he had no choice but to push it! Kirby raised his erm, 'arm' and pushed the button energetically.  
  
"POYOOOOOO...!" came the cry of a frantic Kirby as he was ejected out of the plane.  
  
Marth was looking over his seat as he saw Kirby being chucked out of the plane. He gasped loudly and sat down in his seat, waiting for the madness to end. He turned to Roy, who was still out of it.  
  
"He can fly, right?" Marth asked.  
  
Roy was using the seat in front of him as a drum set and stopped. "What?"  
  
Marth sighed. "Just...nevermind."  
  
Roy resumed drumming.  
  
Link was now running out of steam. He walked back to his seat among the disorder and sat down. The three swordsmen were now the only relatively 'sane' people on the flight. Link looked through the opening that separated his and the once Kirby's seat. Marth saw Link looking and slowly turned to look back. His expression was emotionless. Roy was still in his own world.  
  
A half an hour later, the disarray had cleared and passengers were silently sitting in their seat, as before. All was finally calm.  
  
Aw, man, Roy thought to himself while looking out the window and still listening to the radio. I lost my sugar rush...  
  
Marth was asleep in his seat. It was all too much. Link had bits of toilet paper in his hair and still had one last "Pilot Wings" sticker attached to his forehead. He was glancing out the window.  
  
"Hey, where's the little pink guy?" Link asked, just now realizing Kirby had disappeared. There was no answer.  
  
As Roy stared out the window, he discovered that they were almost to their location. He shook Marth awake rapidly.  
  
"Hm...what?" Marth groaned. Roy pointed to the window. "Oh, thank the Lord!"  
  
It was then that Roy heard a song that appealed to him.  
  
"SHE THINKS MAH TRACTOR'S- -"  
  
"ROY!"  
  
The plane slowly turned to it's destination...somewhere in the U.S.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Author's Notes: Eh, heh. I've been reading SSB fics for awhile, I just now started one. Sorry if it's too long or something like that. Whew, I worked a long time on this. Please read and review! ^^ ::hugs Roy plushie:: 


	2. Is This Legal?

Wow, thanks for the reviews! To tell you the truth, I didn't think I'd get any. ::sweatdrop:: I wasn't sure how well it'd go over. But I just got done playing SSBM (as Roy, of course) and I'm pumped! YIPPEEEEEEEEE!  
  
Roy- ::SMACK!::  
  
Owies...  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
"This is SO boring." Link muttered as he sat in the passenger's seat. "And...Roy's asleep!"  
  
Marth sighed. "Just a few more miles, guys. I'm going as fast as I can."  
  
And so he was. In fact, the swirling of red and blue bright lights could be seen in Marth's rearview mirror. The policeman saw the speeding van and an alarm went off in his head. Similar to Roy's peanut detection alarm.  
  
'Heh, heh, fresh meat,' the donut-eating, coffee guzzling, blue-clad man driving the police car chuckled to himself. He began to pull up beside the van full of swordsman and one less marshmallow.  
  
"Aw, perfect." Marth banged his head on the steering wheel and began to slow to a stop.  
  
"Whoa, whoa! What do you think you're doing?!" Link cried.  
  
Marth raised an eyebrow. "Slowing down. Why?"  
  
"Are you mad?!"  
  
"What the- -! What are you talking about?"  
  
"Keep driving!"  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"Go!"  
  
Marth looked at Link like he was some sort of monkey. Just then, DK was seen moving and following bananas on a string.  
  
"Simple minded fool," came a voice from the backseat.  
  
Looking in the mirror, Marth could see who was talking. "Morning, Sunshine."  
  
Roy squinted sleepily. His hair was a mess and his face flustered. He had slept almost the whole way to...wherever they were going...in the backseat of the van while Marth drove. Link was there for moral support.  
  
"Meh...what's going on?" Roy moaned.  
  
"When I tell you to go, I mean GO! Now GO!" shouted Link, attempting to grab ahold of the wheel.  
  
Link's attempt failed as Marth shoved him back over. "YOU are the one who's mad! I'm trying to slow down here so we don't get a freakin' ticket!" Marth screamed as the sirens began to get louder.  
  
Link adjusted his hat, brushed his hair out of his face, and retorted, "WHO CARES ABOUT A FREAKIN' TICKET!"  
  
Roy watched with heavy eyelids as Marth and Link shared their opinions on the law, speeding, and why donuts are always associated with policemen. He blinked.  
  
Suddenly, the police siren stopped while Link and Marth continued to argue. Roy turned around slowly as he heard a door slam. He rubbed his eyes and stared out the back window at what was behind them. 'Huh, that looks like a police officer,' he thought, not quite up to par yet. 'I wonder why he's here?' The police officer all of a sudden came out of his car.  
  
Roy's eyes widened as he saw the officer walk towards the van with the scariest face he had ever seen. His eyes were cold and hard as stone. A look of anger and torture spread across his ill-gotten smile. In his right hand he held a small blue ticket book. In his left...a donut.  
  
The sight of this eerie fellow scared the living freak outta Roy. The pyro jumped backwards and let out a school-girly shriek.  
  
"What the matter, R- -AHH!" Marth began as Roy freaked out, flipped over the seat, and pressed the gas pedal hard.  
  
"ROY! WHAT THE HECK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" Marth screamed as Roy kept his foot on the pedal.  
  
"Drive!" he commanded to Marth and pointed to the wheel. Marth had no choice.  
  
They sped down the highway away from the officer.  
  
"Dang-blasted teenagers! I'LL GET YOU! I'LL GET YOU, I WILL! Someday...but for now," the officer shoved the whole donut into his mouth and sat on the hood of his car. "They'll be back."  
  
Meanwhile, Roy was hanging off the back of the driver's seat, crazed. "DRIVE, MAN! DRIVE!"  
  
"Alright! I hear you, already! Sit back down!"  
  
Roy slumped back into his seat, but not before peeking outside the window to make sure that the "Officer of the Dead" was gone. He sighed. 'Who hires these people...?'  
  
"See? I told you it was a smart move." Link grinned.  
  
"That was NOT a smart move. That was a cowardly move."  
  
"Heh, I would have liked to see you say that to the judge when you claim you were only going .95864 over the speed limit."  
  
Roy thought it was his turn to get in on the action and leaned over Link's seat. "Seriously, Marth. It was only one officer. One very creepy...freakish...demented..." Roy's eyes froze into a blank stare.  
  
"Yes, and it was only ONE law broken. And several offences. And we're only in more trouble now than we WOULD HAVE BEEN if we had just stopped and accepted what was coming!" Marth yelled to his companions.  
  
Roy crossed his arms matter-of-factly. "Phht."  
  
"Maybe in the Land of Happy Unicorns and Rainbows," Link added.  
  
"Oh, don't all gang up on me..."  
  
And so it began. A half an hour later, the three had found themselves, frankly, hopelessly lost. Not only were they in a strange country, now they were lost. Everything was going just perfect. Marth was slowly going insane and wished he was back at the clinic. He had only gone but a few times, due to his constant hanging out with Roy and Link. It could drive a guy mad. That, and he was hoping to catch the number of the secretary.  
  
"The best thing about bein' a woman...!"  
  
"Aw, here we go..."  
  
"Roy, if you don't put a sock in it..."  
  
"...Man! I feel like a woman! WHOO!"  
  
"CLAM IT!"  
  
It was easy to see that things hadn't gotten easier. Hm.  
  
"Hey, you guys interrupted my last performance. Now you must pay."  
  
"We've been paying since you first arrived," Marth muttered to himself.  
  
Roy shot a glare at Marth. Was it so wrong to just feel like singing? Was it so wrong to just want to have fun? 'Apparently,' thought Roy.  
  
"Hey, aren't we supposed to be there by now?" Roy asked.  
  
Link glanced at his map and suddenly acquired smarty glasses and a pocket protector. Roy was frightened. "According to this, I gather we were supposed to be in Kalamazoo two hours ago. Seeing as it is now two hours since we were supposed to arrive, I also gather that we are late."  
  
Silence.  
  
"Riiiiiight..."  
  
"Kalama-what now?"  
  
Link returned to normal. "I dunno."  
  
Roy, still hovering over Link's shoulder, suddenly saw some signs of life. "Hey! What's that over there?"  
  
Marth looked to where his comrade was pointing. "It's a...house."  
  
"Well, I kinda figured..."  
  
"But this doesn't look like Kalmala...Kamala...that place we're supposed to be." Link thought out loud.  
  
"And how would you know?" Roy replied. Link pondered on this.  
  
Marth thought about the current situation. "Maybe we should stop and ask for directions. This place doesn't look too bad."  
  
"Aha, so you say." Roy pointed out. "But you never know."  
  
Marth sighed yet again. "We don't know unless we try. C'mon."  
  
Reluctantly, Roy agreed. Link was still pondering on how he knew where they were supposed to be. Marth began to pull the van into the driveway, hoping that there wasn't some psychopathic maniac waiting to hunt him down like a rat. Little did he know, he was close.  
  
The van was parked and Marth walked out of the vehicle. Roy dragged Link out as he was scientifically trying to find the square root of pi times ten to the fifth power of nine. They slowly followed Marth up to the door.  
  
"Should I just...knock?" Marth asked.  
  
"That's generally what you'd do, yes." Roy replied sarcastically. Marth tapped silently on the door.  
  
No reply. He tried again.  
  
Still no reply.  
  
"Aw, c'mon, Granny Smith!" Roy yelled to Marth.  
  
"You think you can do better?"  
  
"Heh. Watch this." Roy walked casually up to the door. "FIRE! MWAHAHAHA!"  
  
Roy took out his sword, showed off some fancy moves, then burned the door down. The wood sat in a pile of ashes and fire on the ground. Running footsteps were heard coming to see what in the name of Himura Kenshin happened.  
  
"What in the name of Himura Kenshin happened?!" a girl cried as she ran to the door. "Oh...my."  
  
"Uh, sorry about your door. It was...flammable." Roy smiled cheesily.  
  
"Uh...I guess so..." the girl stared blankly at the pile of firewood in shock.  
  
Marth walked up to the girl, but not without giving Roy a "I was right and you stink" look. He bowed. "I apologize for my companion's...insolence."  
  
'Ooh, big word,' Roy rolled his eyes.  
  
"That's alright. It was a crappy door anyway." the girl replied. If she'd just occasionally look up, she'd know who she was talking to...  
  
"I'm..." Marth started.  
  
The girl finally looked up. "HOLY BIG MUTHA TRUCKERS! YOU'RE...YOU'RE..."  
  
"What are we?" Roy peered from behind Marth.  
  
Little did the swordsmen know they had stumbled upon a house with a dangerous breed. Deadly to video game and/or anime characters.  
  
Fangirls.  
  
"ROOOOOOOY!" screamed the fangirl as she began to bounce.  
  
"Wow, it's like a spring..." Roy's head followed the bouncing girl.  
  
"I can't believe this! They all said I was crazy for obsessing over video game and/or anime characters. They all said it. But now I can shove it right back in their face! AHAHAHAHA!" laughed the fangirl.  
  
"What's going on?" Link asked.  
  
"LINK TOO! AAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
"Nevermind."  
  
"Hi! I'm Neko. I probably won't be in this fic long, but I'm here now! And I'm a rabid Roy fangirl. Nice to meet you!." Neko, the girl, hugged Roy with all her might.  
  
"BA-NAN-AS!" came a yell from a back room.  
  
A rabid, green, monkey ape DK came running from the room chasing bananas on a string. He followed them out the door and was never seen again.  
  
"Gah, that dang flamin' ape!" the girl shrieked. "I told you to let him go days ago!"  
  
"Shut up!" a voice came from the back room. "I just wanted to see what he'd do if I put him in 109 degree water!"  
  
Neko sighed. "My brother finds stray characters sometimes. I don't know how. I guess they just come. Like you guys!"  
  
Roy looked around the house. "I guess so."  
  
Marth cleared his throat. If this was Kalamazoo, he sure was feeling peculiar about it. "Um, we need some directions. Do you know where this place is?" He pointed to a map.  
  
Neko glanced at it. "Yep. It's in a whole 'nother state."  
  
Marth's face faltered. "Great..."  
  
"You can stay here for awhile if you need a place to stay. Then you can figure out where you're going!" Neko suggested.  
  
"There aren't anymore green apes in here, are there?" Roy shuddered at the sight of the tie-wearing ape running out the door.  
  
"Hm. Don't think so. Oh well!"  
  
"Well, we do need a place to stay. Alright, well stay here."  
  
Neko grinned as cheesily as Roy had. "Perfect."  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Whoo, I'm T-I-R-E-D. Sorry for the rushed ending. I'm extremely tired. I'll write more soon! Please R+R! 


	3. Stupid Map!

Author's Notes: Beware, I think this could be a long chapter. ::devil horns:: Oh, well! I'm in a good mood today, so lucky me! Thanks for reviewing! That really helps me out. Now, enjoy chapter three! ^^  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
The three companions soaked up Neko's hospitality rather quickly. They made themselves at home for a while. Marth, of course, worked on the map and tried to find out where they went wrong. Knowing Link, he probably had something to do with it. The blue-haired sword wielder glared at the blond Hylian, who was sitting on the couch watching television. Marth sighed.  
  
"You guys should really be helping me here," Marth droned as he sat at the wooden finished table in the dining room.  
  
Link didn't look back, trying to block out the sound of Marth's voice. "Yeah, sure...whatever..."  
  
Sighing again, Marth's head met the table with a loud bang. All was silent for a few seconds.  
  
'Waitaminnit, where's the pyro? Aw, great, it's the plane incident all over again,' Marth complained in his mind. He mentally kicked himself for leaving Roy alone the second they stepped through that door...er, the charred mess.  
  
A disturbing noise was heard from the direction of the couch. It sounded like snoring. Marth looked up and turned to Link, who was staring wide-eyed at the glowing cube on the TV stand.  
  
"Link?" Marth glared at the green-clad teen on the couch. "Was that you?"  
  
Link continued to stare and answered drone-like, "Was what me..."  
  
"I heard something," Marth got up from the table and walked slowly to the couch. The noise kept up with his curiosity.  
  
He circled the couch, looking in the front and back of it. When he heard the noise yet again, he kneeled on the carpet in front of the couch. Quickly, Marth stretched out his hand, grabbed the cloth bottom of the couch, and lifted it up. There, under the couch, was the sleepy redhead, snoring loudly and chewing on a pillow.  
  
Stomping was heard rushing down the steps, as was a voice. "Has anyone seen Roy? He needs to come up here and explain the door incident to my parents because, well, you know...I kinda need a new one."  
  
Neko appeared at the end of the steps and stopped.  
  
"Over here." Marth answered. Neko retreated to the couch as Marth directed to Roy's location.  
  
"Aww!" Neko smiled widely at the sight of Roy sleeping under her couch. "He's so cute under there!"  
  
Marth glared at her. "Are you serious? He needs to wake up and help me out with that stupid map..." He paused and glanced at Link, who was still sitting on the couch watching TV. "...And so do you."  
  
Marth waved his hand in front of Link in an attempt to snap him out of his trance.  
  
"No, mommy..." Link said, in a very deep trance from the light. "...the cat is in the peanut butter jar..."  
  
"Peanuts?! AH!" cried Roy as he immediately sat up, bonked his head on the couch above him, and was knocked out.  
  
Marth groaned with frustration.  
  
"Don't worry. I'll get him up!" Neko volunteered. She reached up the couch.  
  
After some pulling, Neko's hands appeared dragging a KO'ed Roy out from under his comfort zone. Neko, of course, didn't mind the work. In fact, she was scaring Marth by the look of joy spread across her face the entire time. She glared at the sleeping boy in her arms. She felt like she was soaring...until Link had to ruin it, of course.  
  
"Ah...the peanuts are flying in Minas Tirith..."  
  
"PEANUTS?!" cried Roy once again, not KO'ing himself. He leapt out of Neko's arms and looked around furiously.  
  
Neko was angered. She had him right there! Right in her arms! 'Curse you, Link...' Of course, she had nothing against the blond, but...  
  
"DAGNABBIT, LINK!" Neko cried, chucking a series of pillows at him. This woke him out of his trance.  
  
"Eh, what?"  
  
"YES! You're all here! Now we can get started!" Marth jumped up and shouted.  
  
Roy crossed his arms. "What's all this about getting started when there are peanuts around?!"  
  
"Roy, there ARE no peanuts!" Marth retaliated.  
  
"What?"  
  
Link looked up at the two, confused. "Did you guys just say something about peanut butter? Did I miss something?"  
  
"Link, sleep." Neko lifted her palm towards Link as he fell to the couch, asleep.  
  
"Roy, I'm going to say this slowly: there...are...no...peanuts. Now we need to figure out where we took a wrong turn to Kalamazoo so the others don't beat us back from their countries!" Marth explained.  
  
The fire-obsessed teen glared with wide blue eyes and gasped, "Liar!"  
  
Marth was taken aback. "Say what?"  
  
"There are peanuts here! And I will find them!" Roy dashed into the kitchen. Loud crashing could be heard.  
  
As if a big question mark appeared above her, Neko scratched her head. "Um, alrighty then. I have to leave for some reason or another, so can I trust you guys by yourself?"  
  
Marth looked at snoring Link, then towards the kitchen. Roy suddenly appeared and ran back to the group, holding something. "See?! What did I tell ya?! I told you there were peanuts here!" he exclaimed as he ate what was in his hand.  
  
"Roy..." Neko put her hand on Roy's shoulder. "We haven't bought peanuts for about six months."  
  
"Ah...I see."  
  
Roy gagged.  
  
"Okay. Well, I'm going to leave now before I'm late. You'll be alone and...well..." Neko began.  
  
"Uh...I don't think you have anything to worry about. We'll be alright, I assume..." Marth wasn't so sure himself.  
  
Neko agreed to leave and the three were left alone. In a house. Alone being the key word.  
  
Marth took charge.  
  
"Alrighty then! Now we can work on that map!" Marth smiled happily, thwapping Roy on the back as he walked into the kitchen. Roy choked loudly and fell over.  
  
About 7.869 minutes later, Link awakened (A/N: ::snicker::), Roy was done choking on whatever it was he was choking on, and they both got their strength back to go into the kitchen. Marth sat in the kitchen with his chair tipped back and his feet on the table. He grinned mockingly as his comrades trotted in with 'You-Ain't-Makin'-Me-Work' faces.  
  
"Go on! Sit! Don't be shy!" Marth chirped happily. Link and Roy grumbled as they sat in two seats across from Marth, immediately put their elbows on the table, and propped themselves up with their arms.  
  
Marth glared at them and said to himself, "What a happy bunch." And then, "Alright, guys. As you both know, we were sent to different countries to explore the other cultures. I mean, being cooped up with the Smashers everyday of your life isn't exactly...good for the mind. And...Link, what are you doing?"  
  
Roy was laughing uncontrollably as Link grinned widely.  
  
Marth sighed.  
  
"I found'em in a bag on the counter! Want one?" Link questioned Marth as he shot and M&M out of his nose.  
  
"No, I've...had my fun today, thanks."  
  
Roy couldn't let Link have all the fun! "Dude, that's awesome!" Roy laughed as he looked around the kitchen.  
  
His eyes eventually wandered to the very table where he sat, to a bag in the middle of the table labeled, 'Sour Skittles'. Roy grinned from ear to ear. Marth saw what he was looking at, grabbed the bag quickly, and kept it. Roy pouted.  
  
"Now, if you guys are finished," Marth started. Link shot out another M&M, which hit Roy in the eye. "Yeah. You're...not listening to a single word I'm saying."  
  
Roy was trying to stop laughing and turned to Marth, holding his eye. "W- We're sorry, Marth!" Roy gasped. "W-What were you saying?"  
  
Marth tapped his fingers rhythmically on the table. "Nothing you would be interested in, I'm sure."  
  
"No, no! We'll be good!" Link cried. Roy was trying desperately to hold back the laughter. "Tells us a story, Marth!"  
  
"Gee, you know, I don't think I should..."  
  
"No! No, please! We'll be good! Right, Roy?"  
  
"Huh? Oh! Y-Yes, we'll be angels!"  
  
Link and Roy formed angel halos over their heads with their fingers.  
  
"Yeah, sure you will." Marth mumbled. "But...we need to get this done. Okay, guys. This was the map we used, am I right?"  
  
"Yes, sir!" Link saluted. Marth glared at him shortly.  
  
"Great. Now, according to this, we should have been there at around four o'clock. We had taken this road here, a turn here and there, and a left here, right?"  
  
"Right, sir!" Roy saluted.  
  
"Roy, he said 'left', not right." Link whispered.  
  
"Right! I know that!"  
  
"But you said 'right."  
  
"No, I said left was right."  
  
"But if you said that left was right, then what's right?"  
  
"Left!"  
  
"But you said..."  
  
Marth groaned and hit his head on the table. "You guys give me gray hair."  
  
"Oh, we do not." Roy said matter-of-factly. "Stop being so over-dramatic."  
  
Marth handed Roy a gray hair. Roy gasped.  
  
"Now! Can I PLEASE continue?!" Marth demanded. Roy and Link sat up straight. "Thank you! We did all that stuff I said before that you probably forgot by now. But we didn't end up in Kalamazoo, now did we? No. We ended up here..." He pointed to the spot on the map.  
  
"...So, either there's something wrong with the map, or we dove through some sort of plot-hole."  
  
Roy and Link pondered on this very scientifically. It wasn't that they didn't care; it was just that there were so many other things to do that were more exciting. Like M&M's and Sour Skittles.  
  
Link suddenly acquired a pocket protector and smarty glasses. "I do say, my good man, let me see that map of yours...! Hm...no...yes...no..no...yes..." Link glanced up and down the map with a magnifying glass.  
  
Roy watched, amazed at Links' transformation. He scowled. "Hey, why can't I do that?!"  
  
"Only the chosen few, Roy." Marth sighed. "Only the chosen few."  
  
"AHA! By Jove, I've got it! Young man," Link handed the map back to Marth. "What you have there is NOT a map of the United States."  
  
Marth felt very confused. "What? Then...what is it?"  
  
Link crossed his arms and smiled. "That, my friend...is a map of Hyrule."  
  
Silence.  
  
Marth's eyes glanced at the map he held in his hands. "Hyrule...where have I heard of that bef---LINK!"  
  
Link's smarty stuff disappeared quickly and he took off into the living room.  
  
"Oh, no you don't---Get back here!!" Marth shouted and tore after Link.  
  
Roy leaned back and listened to the soothing sounds of screams of terror, expletives, crashing, and other random sound effects. He put his hands behind his head in a relaxing way and glanced slowly around the kitchen. All of a sudden, something caught his eye. It was to his left and in a rainbow-colored bag.  
  
Roy's eyes grew wide as he gasped silently. He looked left to right carefully, then began to walk towards the bag on the floor. When he arrived, he kneeled down and reached out his hand cautiously. 'Meeheeheehee!' he thought. 'I will feel the sugary sour-ness...then, I will be KING!'  
  
"Roy! What do you think you're doing?!" a high voice asked from somewhere. Roy shrieked.  
  
"Who...W-Who's there?!"  
  
"You were going to steal those Sour Skittles, weren't you? Shame, shame!" the voice said again. Roy looked around frantically for the source of the voice, which sounded like a higher version of his.  
  
His blue eyes suddenly landed on a figure at his left shoulder, who was giving him the 'shame' sign. The pyro shrieked yet again as he discovered the little floating figure. It had neatly combed red hair, a halo, a white robe, blue eyes, and a golden harp.  
  
Roy gasped. "Whoa, what the heck are you?"  
  
"Tsk, tsk. Not even aware you have a conscience. You poor, poor, lonely child." The angel spoke.  
  
"I'm not alone! What's your problem?"  
  
The angel sighed. "So naïve. Don't you think before your actions?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Why don't you ever listen to me sometimes?"  
  
"Listen, bub..."  
  
"You wouldn't annoy that blue-haired guy so much. I think you're mixed in with the wrong crowed, Roy. Gotta watch those sneaky Hylians."  
  
"Hey!" Roy stopped the angel. "Who are you and what do you want from me?! You want the Skittles?! FINE! Take'em! Just don't hurt me or I might have to give you fifth-degree burns. It's the rule."  
  
The angel sighed. "Tsk, tsk."  
  
"Quit doing that!" Roy shouted.  
  
"Meh, don't listen to THAT guy!"  
  
Roy shrieked again and jumped. He looked around yet again, discovering the source of the new voice at his right shoulder.  
  
"Who are YOU?" Roy questioned nervously.  
  
"Me? I'm the guy! The guy you listen to! Not that old crock pot over there." The figure gestured to the angel with his thumb. He was dressed in red and black, had messy red hair, and a staff-trident-thingy.  
  
Roy was becoming very frightened.  
  
"Heh heh. Don't look so scared, kid." The devil figure replied. "Me and you, we're going places! Not like you would if you listened to that nerd."  
  
The angel became flustered and raised his fists.  
  
"Uh..."  
  
"Gah! Do what I tell ya or I'll smack ya so hard you're dad'll feel it!" the devil smacked Roy in the back of the head.  
  
~Somewhere in Pherae...  
  
"Ow...! What the...?" cried Eliwood.  
  
~Back to non-Kalamazoo...  
  
"Now," the devil continued. "Just take the Skittles and we'll be on our merry way!"  
  
"Uh...alright..." Roy reached for the bag.  
  
"AHH! WAIT!" the angel screamed, his voice high no longer. Roy froze. "What do you think you're doing?!"  
  
"I-I don't..."  
  
"Don't you know the consequences of your actions?! Don't you LISTEN?! FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, DO YOU EVER LISTEN?!"  
  
"I DON'T KNOW!" Roy shouted and began to sob.  
  
The devil spoke up. "Now look what ya did! You say you're an angel, but you nag, nag, nag all day! It's alright, kid. Take the skittles."  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"YES!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"YES!"  
  
"YES!"  
  
"NO! Oh, crap!" the devil shouted. With a battle cry of 'Who's you're daddy?!', the angel flew overtop of crying Roy and smacked the devil with his harp. The devil soared away from them and was sucked into a plot-hole.  
  
"YES! We have triumphed!" the angel yelled, and flew in front of Roy.  
  
Roy looked up sadly. "What do YOU want?"  
  
"Don't you see? It's good to do good things and it's BAD to do BAD things. (A/N: Listen up, chillin's. This is important, now.) When you do good things, the sun shines brighter! But when you do baaaaaad things," the angel said as thunder and lightning appeared. "It makes the leprechauns angry and you get smacked in the jaw with a harp and fly into a plot hole."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Man, go with me here! Sheesh! In other words, don't take the Skittles. Oh, and, beware of what's coming."  
  
"'Beware of what's coming'? What's that supposed to mean?" Roy asked.  
  
The angel held up a ninja smoke bomb thing. "Oh, you'll see." He threw it down as smoke appeared all around and he was gone.  
  
Roy thought about what the angel had said.  
  
'I wonder if socks make good pancakes...?'  
  
I SAID, 'Roy thought about what the angel had said'...  
  
'Oh. I wonder what that hippy guy was talking about?' Roy thought. How soon he would discover...  
  
"AAAAHEEEHAAAAHAAAHAA!" a crazed laughter sound filled the kitchen. Then...  
  
Roy looked up and let out a girly shriek at the sight.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Author's Notes: What is it with me and the 'angel and devil' thing? :/  
  
Well, hope you enjoyed it! It's better than the past few chapters, in my opinion. Maybe I'm just in a better mood. But I'm tired now and my fingers are cramping, so...g'night! Or...g'morning! Or...good afternoon! Or...good evening! Or...  
  
ChibiRaven & Roy- STOP THE MADNESS! ::run off to Quizno's::  
  
Yay, Roy! ::huggles:: He's so fun to write dialogue for. ^^ G'bye!  
  
ChibiRaven & Roy- ::at Quizno's:: NOOO! 


	4. The Freakiest Thing On Earth

Author's notes: Hey, thanks for all the reviews! That's great! ^^ ::gives out cookies:: I hope the story keeps up the way it has been. I just got off of FF.net and read some stories, and also played SSBM. So I'm ready! And just to let you know, if you've never played Zelda games before, this chapter may go completely over your head like a hot air balloon covered with cement bricks. Here's another chapter of "Surviving the States". Enjoy!  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
It was so horrible. It's face...those eyes...the way the "thing" dressed...it was just too horrible for words. And Roy had encountered it: firsthand. Right in front of his face floated the most vile, ugliest being that ever was.  
  
Roy's girlish screamed echoed throughout the house.  
  
Marth had been pursuing Link, while shouting curses at him in Japanese and threatening him with not one, but TWO of Neko's kitty slippers. It was almost too much for Link to take. So he took a turn into the living room, hoping to shake Marth off his tail.  
  
Link ran to a wooden chair set up against the left wall of the living room, frantically looking for a place to hide from Marth's terror. 'There's GOTTA be somewhere to hide around here! The couch! No, that too easy...' Link thought and whimpered softly.  
  
His pulse quickened as he began to hear the running footsteps of a stalker and the shouts of Japanese expletives, which he could write a book on by now. There was nowhere to run to now. Link could almost swear he heard the "Psycho" music starting up as Marth crept around the corner. Link tried to hide himself, but it was too late now. His short Hylian life was about to end. He backed up against the wall, a panic look spread across his face.  
  
Suddenly, the blond felt something come over him---a flashback---of the good times. The first being his younger self building a block tower, then Link knocking it over...Young Link just laughed and shrugged, as did Link, then they hugged. Next was Jigglypuff smacking Link repeatedly across the face. Then Pikachu electrocuting him off the edge at the Pokemon stage. Then Marth shoving a carrot up Link's nose and telling him to shut up. Then he tripping Roy as he walked down the hall and ending up burnt to a crisp. Then he and Zelda holding hands and sprinting across a delicate daisy field...but that never happened.  
  
Link smiled contently. That is, until he reawakened to the "Psycho" music starting back up again. Or maybe it was "Bad to the Bone"...  
  
Link glanced up and shrieked as Roy had in our last chapter. Marth was walking toward him slowly, twirling the slippers on the end of his fingers, and an evil smirk on his face. His blue eyes were no longer calm, but very 'psycho-like'. This frightened Link, and all his mind was telling him to do was run.  
  
Tripping over many items in the living room, Link ran around frantically.  
  
"I'M SORRY, MARTH! I AM! REALLY! PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON MY POOR HYLIAN SOUL!!" Link screamed as Marth was about ready to hurl a slipper. Link stopped suddenly, unaware of what Marth was about to do. "M-Marth? Wh-What are you doing...?"  
  
"What should have been done a long time ago!!" shouted Marth, about ready to snap, holding a threatening slipper above his head and ready for launch.  
  
"NOOOOOOO!" Link shouted as Marth moved his arm further above his head, gearing up for the most powerful slipper launch ever recorded.  
  
"EEEIIIIIIEEEEEEE!" Roy's scream had then interrupted the carnage about to take place. Marth dropped the slipper in shock as his eyes returned to normal and his smirk gone.  
  
"Roy?" Marth asked himself and began to run to the kitchen.  
  
Link, whose hair was frazzled and breathing heavily, fell on a chair and began to wheeze. It was all just too much for the green-clad teen.  
  
Meanwhile, Marth almost was at the kitchen. "Roy! What's the matter? What hap---" He was cut off as he came to a screeching halt in the kitchen entryway.  
  
Roy was on the floor, eyes incredibly wide with fear and mouth gaping. His red hair was sticking out in all directions from fright.  
  
"What in the name of Mario the III Jr. IS THAT?!" Marth screamed, almost fainting at the gruesome sight.  
  
Everyone would agree that this was like nothing they had ever experienced before. Even Roy after meeting the demon policeman...who was currently in the hospital being treated for rear-end burns from sitting on the hood of his police car for too long waiting for three non-law abiding teens. Neither Roy nor Marth could speak a word. It was then that Link appeared also in the doorway, coming to see why everyone was screaming bloody murder.  
  
"Hey, guys! What---sweet...mother...of night. NOT YOU!! OH, FOR THE LOVE OF GARFIELD, NOT YOU!!" Link's complexion went ghost white and his eyes wide with terror. He fainted.  
  
As it was said, it was too horrible for words.  
  
Marth clumsily walked over to Roy, kneeled beside him and whispered, "Don't...touch it. Whatever it is, don't touch it." Roy gritted his teeth and nodded unsurely.  
  
"AHHEEEHAAHEEHEEHAA!" the figure laughed again. "What is the matter, you silly boys? Why do you look so frightened? I am the most graceful figure known to man!"  
  
"And...who might you be?" Marth choked.  
  
The...'woman' laughed again. "Who, me? I am none other than the most beautiful being ever to walk the Earth! The most graceful being on the planet! I'm what everyone wants to be...!"  
  
Roy squinted at the last comment.  
  
"I am..." the being continued. "The Great Fairy!"  
  
Link became conscious and shrieked, "Nooo! Not you! Why do you keep torturing me so?!"  
  
Marth looked puzzled at the blond. "You know 'it'?"  
  
Links eyes went wide as he began to walk over towards his companions. "Do I know 'it'? Do I know 'it'?! YES! Of course I know 'it'! That's that demon thing that I always end up meeting with! Sure, she heals me and gives me fairies and stuff, but look at her!"  
  
The Great Fairy laughed her psycho laugh and smiled. "Ah, I see we meet again, Fairy Boy! I have just two words for you!"  
  
"What's that?"  
  
The fairy leaned in closer and half-whispered, "I'm baaaack..."  
  
Link screamed loudly, hid behind Marth, and whimpered. Marth had a mixed look of disgust and confusion on his face. Roy was about ready to wet his pants and his face was pale with fear. The fairy laughed yet again.  
  
"Haha! Silly people! You are so foolish to think that I am the Great Fairy! For I am really..." the so-called 'fairy' tugged on its face and pulled off a costume, revealing..."TINGLE LOVES YOU!"  
  
It was worse than the Great Fairy. Worse than Roy with Sour Skittles. It was ugly. It had red underwear. It wore green spandex. It was Tingle. Tingle the evil mapmaker and stalker of Link in the Zelda series.  
  
With Tingle's victorious shout, he jumped up and latched himself onto Roy's leg.  
  
"AHH! GET IT OFF! GET IF OFF!!" Roy literally cried and screamed, trying to crawl away from the evil midget.  
  
Link fainted as all the memories of his journeys through Hyrule and Clock Town hit him like a ton of bricks. He was out cold.  
  
Roy was emitting high-pitched shrieking as a pale Marth tried to claw Tingle off with a hamburger flipper. But Tingle had found a new stalker and wouldn't let this one slip through his fingers. Tears were now coming out of Roy's blue eyes as fear took hold of him. First it was the small versions of himself on his shoulders, then a giant fairy 'whatzit', now it was a ugly, green spandex wearing elf latched to his leg. It was a conspiracy.  
  
And Neko had no idea that this was going on in her house.  
  
~At the Winston Cheese Museum...  
  
"Mmm! Gouda!" cried Neko, pouncing on the cheese sample table and scaring many innocent on-lookers.  
  
~At the House of Terror...  
  
"C'mon! Get off!" Marth's voice was shaky and uneven as he began to pry harder with the flipper. But it was no use.  
  
Marth looked around. There HAD to be some other way. He looked from left to right until something shiny caught his eye. It was an iron cooking pot sitting on the stove. Getting up quickly, a very freaked-out Marth ran to the pot, grasped it, and slammed it on top of Tingle. Confused, Tingle let go and Roy crawled frantically under the table. Roy began to wheeze and wonder why he went on this trip. He also wanted to severely strangle whoever sent them.  
  
"What is going on? Why is Tingle alone in the dark?" a voice came from under the pot questioned. Marth was holding it down with his hands and breathing heavily.  
  
Link woke up and shouted frantically, "NO! I DON'T WANT TO GO ON A HONEYMOON, RUTO! Oh. Where am I?" His eyes glanced over at the Great Fairy costume deflated on the floor. "OH, DIN!"  
  
"Oh, no you don't!" Marth ran to Link as Link was about to faint again.  
  
Roy was shaking violently as he began to crawl out from under the table, looking like he had been captured be the Wicked Witch of the West and thrown into a twister. He made it halfway out when suddenly the pot beside him suddenly went flying and Tingle floated out. "Hello!"  
  
Roy let out a loud whimpering cry and crawled behind Marth. Marth didn't know what to think. "What do you want with us?" he asked unsurely.  
  
"What does Tingle want with you? Oh! Tingle was just visiting everyone and making new friends!" Tingle replied and smiled at the swordsmen.  
  
"You stay way!" Roy pointed psychotically at his new 'friend'.  
  
Tingle laughed. "Tingle was visiting everyone on their trips! Tingle was just wondering what everyone was doing! Tingle will leave now and meet new friends!"  
  
It was then that the freaky looking green guy took out three red balloons, blew them up, tied them to himself, and floated out the window. All was silent as the three teens let out sighs of relief.  
  
"That..." Marth gasped. "Was the most freakish thing I have ever encountered in my life."  
  
"I wanna go home!" Roy added as visions of Tingle shouting and latching onto his leg flipped through his mind.  
  
"I thought I had got rid of that thing when I had him create a map of some random planet and told him to go there!" Link shouted.  
  
Marth shook his head. But then he had realized what Link said. "Did you say 'create a map'?"  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
"Create a map? Create a map?!" Marth shouted. "THAT evil little thing was a MAPMAKER?!"  
  
"Yeah, why?"  
  
"Huh? Ohhhh..." Roy turned his head slowly towards Link and had just realized what was about to happen.  
  
"You have five seconds, Link." Marth replied with closed eyes. "Five. Seconds."  
  
Link hightailed it out of the kitchen with a shriek.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Author's Notes: Whew! Another one done.  
  
Tingle- TINGLE LOVES YOU!  
  
Roy- ::begins to sob::  
  
EW! ::smacks Tingle into outerspace and hugs Roy::  
  
Roy- O_O  
  
Tingle scares me SO MUCH. Anyways, I was thinking about what PIRO had said in the review. That's pretty hard to do...do you think I can after all that...? Watch for the next chapter to find out! ^^ 


	5. Doors of Doom

Author's Notes: You guys are really awesome! Thanks for bringing me up to thirty reviews! ::hands out more cookies:: A note to everyone who gave me some suggestions, I'm trying to work them into the story. PIRO's idea will be moved to the next chapter, since I had this idea and decided to put it in first. If you guys give me suggestions, there's a good chance I'll put them in. Unless it's yaoi. Sorry, peeps. ^^;;  
  
Yeah, and if you're bored or have nothing to do, you can read my little one chapter story. It'll go over you head if you know nothing about Rockman/Megaman, 'cause that's where it is, but it'll kill time. It's a one chapter only humor fic that my freaky mind invented. Like this fic. Hm.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
"...And so I says, 'That's not a pineapple! That's Captain Falcon's head!' Hahaha!"  
  
There was a long silence as Marth slowed his laughing at his own joke.  
  
"You're really bad at this, Marth." A bored Link replied, propping his head up with his arm.  
  
Marth crossed his arms. "Yeah, well, if Roy had done it, you'd be laughing your little Hylian ears off."  
  
"Hey, it took me years of flying through time and space to get'em this size, man. I take offense! The chicks dig the ears, baby!" Link stood up and performed his taunt quickly, then sat down.  
  
A non-amused Marth clapped slowly. "That was beautiful, Link. Really."  
  
Link bowed.  
  
Marth sighed, a reminder to himself that he does that a lot. 'Man, Roy's taking a long time in the bathroom,' Marth thought. 'A really long time...'  
  
"Hey, Link," Marth commented, looking at his secret watch that no one ever sees.  
  
"What?" replied Link, shooting spitballs at an 'Ocarina of Time' guide with a page turned to a picture of Ganondorf on it.  
  
"Roy's spent about an hour in the bathroom."  
  
"So?"  
  
"SO, maybe we should go check on him."  
  
"Phht. What for? What damage could he have done? What do ya think he did, flushed himself?" Link took a moment to think about what he just said. Marth thought about it as well. "...Maybe we should go check on him.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Roy was walking down a narrow-ish hallway at the top of the steps. His eyes were wide at all the doors that would lead to rooms he could explore. Finding Link and Marth again wasn't on the top of his list. In fact, it wasn't even on the list. It wasn't even in his mind. Right now, his distracted mind was concentrating on what was behind those doors.  
  
"Wow, so many doors...so many rooms to invade...which one should I go in first?" Roy tapped his chin and thought out loud. He looked at a door to his right. "We have a winner!"  
  
Roy grabbed the doorknob and turned it slowly. The door creaked silently as it was pushed open just a bit.  
  
"Hello? Hel-lo? Is anybody home?" Roy pushed the door open a bit more.  
  
"HELLO EVERBODY!!" cried a loud, booming voice. Roy shrieked.  
  
"What the heck?!" Roy cried out loud at the sight of a man in a gray suit standing on a podium. The door opened to a wide, huge staged area with seats for an audience. "What---?"  
  
Roy took a better look and squinted at the man. He suddenly realized who it was. "D-Drew Carey!! DUDE!"  
  
"Today we're going to play a game where the points don't matter! Yes, the points don't matter! Just like the expression on that lonely looking redhead's face!" Drew Carey shouted.  
  
"Whoa, this place is awesome!" Roy shouted as he walked downstage, but not forgetting to high-five Drew Carey on the way upstage. Then he thought, "Jeez, Neko has WAY too much free time."  
  
"Who's Neko?"  
  
"Oh, that other lonely looking person that lives here and you obviously work for. Hey, how much do you get paid?" Roy leaned in closer and whispered.  
  
"Pay? What's this 'pay' you speak of? I don't get none a'this PAY you're talking about! PAY?"  
  
"Uh, pretend I didn't say anything." Roy corrected himself. 'I wonder if Neko knows she has a celebrity hobo-moocher in her house,' he thought.  
  
~At the Get Funky Par-TAY! House...  
  
"Whoohoo! You go, man!" shouted Neko as she and a large crowd of lonely people watched Gollum breakdance on a stool.  
  
~At the Little House of Horrors...  
  
Link and Marth had searched all over the house. Their pyromaniac friend was nowhere to be found. They had split up long ago and were now meeting up in the kitchen. They had been running and as they met up, tried to catch their breath.  
  
"Did...did you find him?" Marth asked.  
  
"Nope. I bet he's alright. He can take care of himself." Link shrugged. "He probably drove off somewhere. Y'know. Cruisin'."  
  
"Roy isn't old enough to drive! He's in this house somewhere!"  
  
Link stopped. "Did...you say he wasn't old enough to drive?"  
  
"Yes. Now let's go find him!" Marth started to walk out of the kitchen. Link grabbed his arm and stopped him.  
  
"Wait, you mean to tell me he's a kid?"  
  
"Just fifteen, Link! Let's go!"  
  
"H-Hold on a second! I thought he was seventeen, man! Wait. How old are you?"  
  
Marth sighed. "Same as Roy. Now let's---"  
  
"I've been hanging out with fifteen year olds?! What the heck?! I'm older than BOTH of you! Then how come you were driving...?" Link asked sneakily.  
  
Marth stuttered. "Um...w-well..."  
  
"Blackmail." Link whispered. "I have BLACKMAIL on you. I bet you don't even have a permit!"  
  
"Well...I...aw, who cares?! We have to find Roy! Come on!" Marth dragged Link out of the kitchen and into the unknown.  
  
As they reached the living room, they decided to check up the stairs. It was the only place they hadn't checked yet. Marth and Link walked nonchalantly up the stairs and into the hall. They were amazed at how many doors there were.  
  
"So many doors," Link commented, looking from side to side. "Which one do we try first?"  
  
"I don't know. It seems exactly like a place Roy would be hiding somewhere in." Marth shrugged. "I guess we should just try some random door."  
  
"Sounds like a plan. I'll try this one over here." Link agreed and began to walk towards his right to a door. He grabbed the knob and turned it.  
  
The Hylian's heart beat faster as he heard nothing but a ghostly silence. He opened to door wider to reveal a pitch-black darkness. He motioned with his hand for Marth to come up to the doorway and see. Marth walked up reluctantly and stood beside Link. He peered in and saw the eerie darkness all around. Link decided to open the door all the way and take a chance to step inside.  
  
Marth and Link walked in slowly and stood in front of the doorway. Nothing.  
  
"Maybe we should---" Link began to whisper, when suddenly a large, bright spotlight appeared a few meters away, startling Link and Marth.  
  
"What's that?" Marth whispered back.  
  
"I don't know..." Link replied when all of a sudden...  
  
"HEY, HEY, HEY, KIDS!" a demented, nasally voice cried out. The figure appeared in the spotlight.  
  
Marth and Link screamed in fright.  
  
"So nice of you to join us today!" the giant purple...thing exclaimed as the rest of the lights went on. It extremely huge, almost eighteen feet tall.  
  
It was like something out of a children's bedroom horror movie. Or Luigi's Mansion. Gigantic blocks bigger than the two swordsmen were randomly placed in what seemed like a child's playroom. Only ten times the size. A giant, plastic, colorful, bouncy-ball was in the corner. Tables were full of plastic containers filled with Play-Doh and many other playthings. The walls were mostly a bright yellow with a white stripe spread across the wall.  
  
Marth screamed in terror. "I HATE YELLOW!"  
  
"PLAY-DOH GIVES ME HIVES!" shrieked Link. "But that was really only because I ate it."  
  
"Don't be frightened, children!" the booming figure said again, stomping closer to the scared swordsmen. Link almost wet his pants and jumped into Marth's arms like a treasured Scooby-Doo moment.  
  
The two shook with fear.  
  
"W-Who are you?" Marth asked.  
  
"Why, I'm Barney the Magical Dinosaur!" shouted the freakish purple green- spotted thing. "And this..." his voice became low and haunting. "...is your playroom..."  
  
The two swordsmen couldn't have been more terrified. It was worse than Tingle. The teen's faces went ghost white.  
  
"...of DOOM." Barney the Demented Dinosaur finished.  
  
"AHHHHHHHH!" Marth and Link screamed. Link began to run out the room.  
  
But Marth had a job to do.  
  
"Back! BACK, YOU MONSTER FROM HECK!" Marth shouted and was now pointing a sword at the dino. "Back I say! Or Falchion will eat you ALIVE!!"  
  
Barney's voice was still low and haunting. "It's not nice to play with sharp objects...Marus."  
  
"...How do you know my secret code-name?!" Marth demanded.  
  
"You tell me...Prince Mars."  
  
Marth gasped. "Only Sheeda can call me that! How DARE you sneak into my personal life you ugly, fiendish, demented, half-witted, sack o'---"  
  
"RAAAWWRRRRRRRR!!!" Barney roared loudly, almost knocking Falchion out of Marth's grasp. Marth's eyes went chibi-fied as he looked up at the terrifying over-sized Yoshi on steroids. Marth ran at the speed of light towards the door where Link was waiting frantically.  
  
"HE'S COMING, MARTH! HURRY!!" Link screamed as earth-shattering footsteps began to fill the room.  
  
Marth looked the same as he did when he met Tingle. 'Oh, please...' Marth thought freaked-out to himself. 'Don't let this give me gray hair...'  
  
Just as the Barney the Demented was about to swing a claw at running Marth, Marth made a giant leap and reached for Links' hand. Everything went in slow motion as Link and Marth's hands made contact; Barney's arm missed him by three centimeters as he took a tumble, and Link pulled Marth through the door back into the hallway. Everything returned to normal when Link shut the door.  
  
Both swordsmen were very breathing heavily. Link fell over.  
  
"Roy...will be in...SO much trouble when...we find him." Link panted from the floor.  
  
Marth could barely hear Link from his own gasping for air. "Let's just...find another door."  
  
As Marth helped Link up from the floor, he decided to check another door.  
  
"What?!" Link protested. "After all he put us through?! I say, if he's in one of these doors and it's worse than that giant Bowser, we let him SUFFAH!"  
  
"Link, you know we can't just leave Roy there to suffer. As good as idea that sounds, who ever sent us on this trip will probably have our heads on a silver platter if we do." Marth retorted. He began to walk down the hall as Link followed behind him.  
  
"-Matte-." Marth replied in Japanese, achieving a confused look from Link. "Wait. Let's check this door."  
  
"If you say so. But YOU'RE opening it this time."  
  
Marth shrugged and set a shaky hand on the doorknob. He took a deep breath, ready for any horrors they may encounter. He gripped Falchion again in case there was a rabid Sheik running around, or something of the like, inside. He turned the knob slowly as Link stepped back a bit. Faint noises could be heard.  
  
"It sounds like people talking," Marth concluded, glancing at Link. Taking this as a good sign, Link walked up to the doorway near his companion.  
  
Marth pushed the door open further as light began to pour in from the room. The noises got louder.  
  
"What the---?" Marth commented as he pushed the door open all the way.  
  
"OHHHHH...AY DEE DY DEE DY DEE DY DEE DY DEE DY DEE DY!"  
  
"I walked into a coffee house!"  
  
"And then I saw a crowd!"  
  
"I had no idea what they were doing!"  
  
"But they were really loud!"  
  
"I took my chance and strutted up!"  
  
"Just like a fool!"  
  
"And to my surprise!"  
  
"Gollum breakdanced on a stool!"  
  
"OHHHHH...AY DEE DY DEE DY DEE DY DEE DY DEE DY DEE DY!"  
  
The Irish-sounding music came to an end. And on the stage, to Marth and Link's surprise, stood Roy and the suited Drew Carey dancing around like nutjobs.  
  
"What in the world...?" Marth asked himself as he walked in a bit more. Link followed him, equally confused.  
  
Drew Carey and Roy were dancing freakishly when Drew Carey pulled off a complicated dancebreaking move, knocking Roy over. He began rolling around on the ground, laughing loudly, as did Drew Carey. He helped Roy off and high-fived him. "Nice!"  
  
"Roy?" Marth asked, walking up to the stage.  
  
"Huh?" Roy turned his head towards Marth. "Oh, hey guys!"  
  
"Whoa...we can host some MAJOR karaoke here, man..." Link crawled up on stage and looked around.  
  
"Yeah!" Roy shouted and began to burst out in song, a bit wrong, of course. "'It's something o'clock Monday night and I'm waitin'! To finally talk to a girl a little cooler than me! Her name is Zel---I mean Peach---I mean Samus- --I mean Ganond---I mean---"  
  
"Did you just say Zelda?!"  
  
"N-No, Link! Well, I might have maybe said something along those lines of that comment there maybe---"  
  
"ROY! YOU LIKE ZELDA!"  
  
"NO! Never!"  
  
"Don't deny it!"  
  
Irish music began to start up again. Drew Carey walked up to the arguing swordsmen, faced the audience, and put one arm around each of them and swayed back and forth. The two continued to argue.  
  
"How can I deny anything when I haven't even SAID anything?!"  
  
"Oh, yes you did! 'Oh, Zelda! I LUV you!'"  
  
"Watch it bub! I---"  
  
Marth stood offstage, watching the two of his companions argue and Drew Carey gearing up to sing solo. And finally...  
  
"OHHHHH...AY DEE DY DEE DY DEE DY DEE DY DEE DY DEE DY!"  
  
Roy and Link stopped arguing suddenly as they heard the song. They decided to join in.  
  
"Once when I was walking!"  
  
"Down old dark street!"  
  
"I heard something creeping up!"  
  
"I felt it in my feet!"  
  
"I turned around swiftly!"  
  
"And to my surprise!"  
  
"All I saw was Barney!"  
  
"With only one eye!"  
  
"OHHHHH...AY DEE DY DEE DY DEE DY DEE DY... DEE... DY... DEE... DYYYYYY!!"  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Author's Notes: That...was weird, that it was. 'Matte' means 'wait' in Japanese. Yay!  
  
Well, it's late now and I'm...well, sorta tired. Meh, I don't really have a choice. I hope you guys enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it! ^^ Thanks for your reviews! 


	6. Hot Topics

Author's Notes: Hey! I've been wanting to write this chapter since chapter two. And now I'm finally ready. And I'm also using Piro's idea. Be amazed as I try to do the unthinkable.  
  
Heh. I knew someone would write me about this. I know he's eighteen. I found that out awhile ago, actually. But someone told me he was fifteen and messed up my story. ::evil glare:: So Marth got to go into the past for a chapter. Yay for Marth. ::random applause::  
  
Marth- Curse you! Like heck I wanna be the same age as Roy! MAKE ME OLD!  
  
You're sounding like him now. And no.  
  
Marth- Feh on you. People are going to throw things at you.  
  
This is only a FILLER CHAPTER, man. It'll never be mentioned again. You're magically an old man now, alright? Here's your cane.  
  
Marth- Well, thanks! ::hobbles away::  
  
Yes, as I said before, this is a FILLER CHAPTER, meaning when I got done writing it I thought, 'What in the name of Elibe did I do?' First of all, I turned Roy into a complete ditz. Then Link is... well, you know. And this chapter is just all weird. So, enjoy this break from the ordinary as the three swordsmen take a break from their 'more sane than this chapter' storyline. I'm sure they'll enjoy it.

---

Three swordsmen could be seen walking down the sidewalk pavement of a medium-sized subdivision. Their intent, of course, was to find a building for information on the town and how far Kalamazoo really was. But Roy had started up a conversation instead. And it was by far more interesting.  
  
"Seriously! Peach doesn't have guards or anything! No wonder Bowser's always kidnapping'er! She's open season! Why doesn't she just put up a sign that says 'Peachy here! Why not kidnap me?'. I'm sure anyone would take up the offer. 'Specially Marth over there."  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"I mean, can't you just imagine what goes on in Mario's mind? 'Peachy-a? Is- a that-a you getting kid-a-napped again? I-a think-a I will-a just-a let it go-a for now. Why-a doesn't she-a just save-a herself for-a once? GET A GUARD, PEACHY!'"  
  
Marth smirked. "Yeah, nice Mario impression, Roy."  
  
"Jeez, at least I have an army. It's like, 'Whoa! Look at Pherae, that puny little speck in the corner of the map! Let's go attack it!'. Then the other guys say, 'Yeah! What a wimpy town! I bet they don't have, like, GUARDS or something.' And then they all come up to us and threaten us and stuff. But then we're all like, 'Dude? Are you stupid?' And I say, 'Sic'em, guards!' Then PHOOSH! They're all wiped out! I mean, if Peach had some sense---"  
  
Marth and Link had tried to drown out Roy's constant jabbering. 'Man, what is he on?' Marth wondered. 'An even better question; what ISN'T he on?'  
  
Link, however, was just walking alongside his companions. He seemed to be in very deep thought. He smiled contently. Something was wrong.  
  
The blue-haired swordsman noticed this and glanced over at Link. "Link? Link...? Are you...alive?" He waved his hand in front of the Hylian's face.  
  
"I'm just thinking, Marth. That is all. Wow, what a pretty house!" Link exclaimed, smiling slightly.  
  
"What the...?" Marth blinked. "Are you alright?"  
  
Link smiled questioningly. "Of course, Marth! Why wouldn't I be?"  
  
'Okay...that's different...' Marth thought again. 'Why is Link acting... sane?'  
  
"---And then I said, 'Dude, if you're crossing a frog with a toad, it's gonna be called a 'Froad', alright? And that's not going to make ANY sense to a guy with no hair!"  
  
"Roy, how in the WORLD did you get from talking about Peach to talking about 'froads'?" Marth asked tiredly.  
  
"Well, I... I have no idea..."  
  
"You really should calm down sometimes, Roy. Discover your inner peace." Link replied calmly.  
  
Roy looked at Link like he was some sort of froad. "My inner wha...?"  
  
Link laughed to himself and shook his head. Roy raised an eyebrow at this with a very confused look, then at Marth with the same.  
  
"Seriously, don't ask me." Marth shrugged. Roy looked back at Link once more. "Anyway, we should be looking for a place to find some info. That was what we came out here for, was it not?"  
  
"Yes. Yes, it was." Link smiled and began to think of a place some info would be. He also achieved more confused stares from his comrades.  
  
Marth started again. "Sooo... let's keep an eye out, alright?"  
  
"No problem!" the redhead exclaimed.  
  
"Hm..." Link looked around slowly and spotted a store. "A shopping mart! How quaint! Perhaps they would have a map or something we could look at. Maybe the people could tell us."  
  
This was inhuman. Link, of all people, discovered a good idea.  
  
"Hm." Marth repeated. "'Hot Topic'. Interesting. Maybe they would have something. Let's go check it out."  
  
Marth, Roy, and Link ran across the street to the stores' parking lot. It didn't seem like your average everyday store, but who knows? Maybe there would be some interesting info. Maybe they'd even find out what roads to take to make it to Kalamazoo. Maybe they'd find it quick enough so they'd make it to there and back, and then return before the rest of the Smashers! 'Phht. Wishful thinking never got me anywhere.' thought Marth.  
  
The three began to walk across the big parking lot. No later than when they were almost to the store, something 'hoppy' caught Roy's eye. He could have SWORN there was something watching him, perhaps hopping. He began to look around frantically. 'What the...? Who's following me?' he questioned.  
  
"Boing! Boing!" came a hopping sound. Roy realized where it was coming from, stopped, and looked quickly to his right as the other two swordsmen walked on.  
  
"Did Roy just stop?" Marth questioned Link.  
  
"Don't worry about it, my friend. I'm sure he'll catch up with us sooner or later."  
  
'...?' was all that went through Marth's mind.  
  
"Wow, would ya look at that!" Roy gasped, kneeling down on the blacktop. His blue eyes followed something brown and green. "Hey there, little guy! Whatcha doin'?"  
  
"The question is not what I am doing. It is what YOU are doing." the thing replied.  
  
"AHH!" Roy screamed and almost toppled over. "You---You TALK!"  
  
"I SPEAK."  
  
"Yes! And very good, I might add!"  
  
"Very WELL."  
  
"Very well what?"  
  
The amphibian sighed. "Ahh. Imbecile."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Nevermind." It replied again, raising a...'hand' to his head. He had a headache.  
  
Roy grinned. "Wow! A talking froad! This is better than the shoulder angels!"  
  
The froad looked up questioningly. "Oh dear, SHOULDER angels? You poor, lonely thing."  
  
"Yep! That's what he said, too!"  
  
"Oi."  
  
Roy paused. "...And Drew Carey."  
  
"Holy fish paste, DREW CAREY? Surely you jest."  
  
Roy looked around. "Um... no."  
  
"Next thing you're going to tell me is that you saw Tingle at a nightclub!" the froad laughed in a proper English froggy way.  
  
"Well, yeah! 'Cept he wasn't at a nightclub. See, he was at this house Marth, Link, and I staying in because Marth and Link got us lost so now we're mooching off a girl named Neko, which is strange because she resembles NOTHING of a cat and we saw the Great Fairy who became Tingle and the shoulder angels told me not to eat the Sour Skittles and---"  
  
"Stop!" the froad raised a hand. "I can't take any more of your constant jabbering!"  
  
The pyro continued. "But I haven't even told you about Gollum breakdancing on the stool yet!"  
  
"Your blabber confuses me. Wait, did you say one of your friends' name was 'Marth'...?" the froad asked, narrowing his eyes.  
  
"Yeah. But you can call him Marth, Prince Mars, Mars, Marus---"  
  
"I got it."  
  
"Okay." Roy sat for a moment, realizing his comrades were waiting at the door for him. "Well, I'd better go...uh...what's your name?"  
  
"I am Mr. Froadsworth."  
  
"Huh. I'm Roy," he paused again. "...Can I call you Froady?  
  
"No."  
  
"Please?"  
  
"Aw, I don't really care. It's not like I'll ever see you aga---HEY!" screamed the frightened Froady as he was scooped up into Roy's hand and whisked away to the unknown.  
  
Meanwhile, Marth and Link were waiting patiently for Roy at the door to Hot Topic. Well, Link was anyway.  
  
"Man, why don't you quit talking to the concrete and get your butt over here?!" Marth exclaimed, looking at his watch that no one ever sees.  
  
"Patience, Marus. Roy's coming." Link commented.  
  
"What the heck did you call me?!" Marth was about to tell Link off when he noticed the redhead walking towards them. "Oh, finally! Oh, sweet Altea, what's he holding...?"  
  
Roy reached the two with his new discovery. "Guys, what I'm about to show you will shock and amaze you. You will be astounded at the sight your eyes are about to take in. You will always remember this day until the day you die. You will get married knowing---"  
  
"Just show us already!" Marth was about to snap. Again.  
  
"Alright. BEHOLD...!" Roy held out his hand and shoved it in Marth's face. Link clapped.  
  
"Well done, Roy! You've captured a frog!" the Hylian replied.  
  
"Not just any frog. This is Froady! Bet you'll never guess what he is!"  
  
"Oh gee, I don't know, maybe a...giraffe?" Marth replied sarcastically, crossing his arms.  
  
"Oh gosh, no." Roy shook his head. "He's a FROAD!"  
  
"GASP! No, really?! Get outta town!" Marth gasped loudly.  
  
"But---"  
  
"Don't. I already know what you're gonna say." Marth interrupted.  
  
"Well actually, I was going to say that we should probably head into the store now. It's almost the afternoon and we should get going if we want to search some more." Roy smiled at Froady, who gave him a long, menacing stare.  
  
Marth put his head in both of his hands, sobbed a few times, then was ready to enter Hot Topic. 'I know I'm going to snap any moment now. It's been days since I've seen Secretary Linda---I mean, the psychiatrist. Everybody's so...different today.' Marth thought as they began to walk into the store. 'Link's acting sane and calm and Roy's acting...well...like he ate twenty bags of Snickers. What in the world is going on...?'  
  
Link, Roy, and Marth entered the store. They were in complete utter shock.  
  
"Oh...sweet...Din." Link replied. Marth's mouth dropped open.  
  
"Sweet!" Roy ran over to a rack of black t-shirts. "Tenchi shirts!"  
  
The swordsmen began to walk around in shock. Racks of black clothing were everywhere. Chains, tattoos, and black chokers with spikes were seen in all directions. There was even anime clothing. It was a gothic paradise.  
  
"This is so...so..." Marth began.  
  
"Sweet!" Roy shouted. "Albeit a bit scary for my taste."  
  
"SANCTUARY!" shrieked Froady as he hopped out of Roy's arms to freedom, where he was never seen again. Roy was heartbroken.  
  
"I guess we should go find someone at a counter for info," Link suggested.  
  
Marth began to turn around, as did the other two. "I guess you're right. Even if we---YEEESH!!"  
  
Marth's mouth was open in a mixture of shock and disgust. Link gasped and covered his mouth with both hands slightly. Roy gasped and had about the same look as Marth.  
  
"What in the...?!" The blue-haired prince said just above a whisper.  
  
"It's a...extreme gothic person..." Link froze.  
  
"I guess we should...find out if she knows any info..." Marth suggested, beginning to walk up to the counter, with his two fellow swordsmen behind him. The person at the checkout counter didn't reply. "Uh...yeah. H-Hi there. We, um, would like to know if you could give us some information on something."  
  
No reply came from the white and black painted face.  
  
"...Right. Uh..."  
  
Roy pushed Marth aside and strutted up to the counter, looking the girl straight in the eye. He was about to ask her himself if she knew anything, but something else sidetracked him. He looked right at her and squinted. "Are those black contacts?"  
  
The girl towered over him and glared down, answering creepy-like, "What are YOU going to do about it?"  
  
Roy emitted a small squeal, laughed nervously, and ran to Marth.  
  
"That was just great, Roy." Marth said and walked up to the gothic cashier. "Look, woman. We need some information on something."  
  
"...And you're point is...?"  
  
"We need some information on where we are. Can you tell us?" Marth asked slowly.  
  
"The town you are in is just a part of a vast universe on a so-called planet we call 'earth'. You never know when the sun is truly shining on you with happiness or on you with disgust, hoping to burn you into a pile of nothingness. Through your eyes you will never see truth. Nothing but lies come from mere mortals such as yourselves. You fear everyday and you may not notice. Fear controls you. It takes over your mind and engulfs your soul into the dark epitome that is your body. It will take control until you give in to it and will taunt you for the rest of your pitiful, meaningless lives."  
  
There was a long silence.  
  
Link replied silently, his hands gently over his mouth. "Oh, my."  
  
Roy was confused. His mouth was slightly open and his eyes were set upon the cashier.  
  
Marth had the same disgusted look as before. He twitched slightly. "It...I...we...you...we have to go. Come along, boys. Say sayonara to the nice lady- person." He led them off to the door.  
  
Their faces were still in place as before and their eyes never left the cashier until they were fully out of the store. They breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
"That was freakish." Roy gasped. "I'm NEVER going in there again!"  
  
"That was awful!" Link added.  
  
"That girl took 'gothic' to a whole 'nother level!" Marth exclaimed. "That is the last time I go into a store with a name like 'Hot Topic'."  
  
Roy agreed, but looked up suddenly. "But... Tenchi!"  
  
"No, Roy. No."  
  
"But... the anime!"  
  
"No."  
  
Roy pouted.  
  
All three swordsmen hoped that that was the end of their day of torture. They would never look at people the same again. Hopefully the next day would be better. 'I miss Link hyped up on sugar,' Roy thought to himself as they started to walk around once more. 'I'm the only one on a sugar high now. I hope Marth doesn't find out I ate those twenty bags of Sour Skittles...'

---

Author's Notes: I don't know why Link is so insane in my fics. At least I don't make him as crazy as Roy.  
  
Link- Thank gosh!  
  
Roy- Hey, I never ASKED to be insane. I'm actually a scholar. I've written about thirteen books on my short life, each indicating a specific point in time to which something specific happened.  
  
... Are you serious?  
  
Roy- HECK NO! Where's the freakin' fun in that?  
  
There is none. ::GLOMP::  
  
Roy- Of course n---GAK! O. ::is turning blue::  
  
That was interesting to write. No idea where the Hot Topic thing came from. And so people don't think I'm being all mean and stuff, I have NOTHING against goths or any of the cashiers at Hot Topic. Very nice bunch. I have a few friends who are goths. This was just a character I added who... is apparently clinically depressed and I just wanted to scare the guys. o We'll call her Cheryl.  
  
Cheryl- Shut up. You're meaningless.  
  
Watch it, missy. I'll fire you. And don't you DARE start calling Roy meaningless. Anyways, I hope this was an interesting way to pass your time. This actually ended up being opposite I wanted this chapter to be, so I guess I'll do that idea NEXT chapter. Why does that always happen? Well, I did it, Piro. I did it. But, I'm not sure if I made him sane or silently nuts... ah, well. I tried. Have rice day! Please read and review! 


	7. Doom Approacheth

Author's Notes: Hey, guys! I hope you liked my last chapter of... I'm not sure what I was on when I made that. Hm. I'm listening to rock music now. /WHY don't you and I---/ Actually, that wasn't rock.  
  
Roy- Newsflash: NO ONE CARES! BLAH!  
  
I'm going to ignore that. Thanks to the two who gave me ideas. It helps me a bit with the plot. But I'm sure I've said that at some point in time already. Yeep. Okay, I've run out of things to say...  
  
Marth- I thought you didn't like self-insertion characters and such.  
  
Uh... I don't, really.  
  
Link- What's your point?  
  
Marus- Well... Neko's a hypocrite.  
  
::GASP!:: I am not! I just needed that in the story so you would end up somewhere and stuff!  
  
Prince Mars- Hypocrite. QUIT CHANGING MY NAME!  
  
---  
  
All was quiet in the night of the eventful day that had passed. Three sleeping swordsmen were stirring on the floor in sleeping bags, which they had conveniently brought with them. Except for Marth, of course. He had brought an inflatable mattress. What a lucky duck.  
  
While sleeping, the three had interesting dreams---or nightmares, if you prefer---about all the events that took place the past day. Demon Barneys danced about psychotically, Drew Careys laughed crazily as they became drunk in an Irish pub, and millions of little Cheryls caused a giant black hole, which would then suck up everything in sight. The Cheryls would then reply, 'Darkness is all that will be left as the population turns the earth to ruin'. This, of course, would then confuse the swordsmen and make it very difficult to fall asleep as Roy then began to question the meaning of life.  
  
Yes, it had been a very eventful night. And Neko (or her family...) was nowhere to be seen. Not that they cared.  
  
In an Irish Pub...  
  
"OHHHHH... AY DEE DY DEE DY DEE DY DEE DY DEE DY DEE DY!" Neko screeched at the top of her lungs with a giant glass in her hand full of spiked Dr. Pepper. She was on top of the counter with Frodo and Gollum with their arms interlocked, and swinging back and forth.  
  
And no one cares.  
  
Pet Shop of Horrors! Not really...  
  
"IF YA WANNA STEP UP! YOU'RE GONNA GET KNOCKED DOOOOOOWWWWNNNN!!"  
  
Roy was awake.  
  
"Sweet mother of night! We've had enough of the singing already!"  
  
Marth was now awake.  
  
"Mrzllgrmph..."  
  
Link wasn't awake.  
  
Roy had just awaked and turned on a radio he had found conveniently stored in the corner of the room. He had turned it to a rock station, lucky for him there was one. The cobalt-haired swordsman didn't appreciate this, for his nightmares had ended a few hours ago and he was now enjoying his dream of Peach and himself dancing the night away... did I say Peach? I did. I meant Sheeda.  
  
The radio station had changed its song. "TNT!!"  
  
Marth groaned and fell back into his pillow. "Dear sweet Lucius, I hate that song...!"  
  
"Hey! Did I hear 'TNT'? That song rocks!" Link jumped up and adjusted the volume on the radio to almost full blast. "YEAH BABY!"  
  
Roy and Link began to belt out that addicting yet disturbing chorus. "TNT!! I'M DYNOMITE!!"  
  
"May the battousai have mercy on your souls!" Marth half gasped. How could they enjoy that song? So annoying... so... addicting... he then realized it was getting in his head. "GAAAH! TURN IT OFF!"  
  
Marth made a mad dash for the radio. He actually flew to it, in a realistic sense. His arm outstretched, he reached for the knob and turned it down with all his might. He wiped the sweat off his forehead in relief.  
  
Roy began to pout as Link did the same. They glared at their companion with angry eyes.  
  
Marth began to get up. "Come on, guys. Don't be like that."  
  
His glare not leaving his guilty friend, the red-haired swordsman grabbed the volume knob on the radio, turned the volume all the way up in one swift motion, and then crossed his arms. Marth sighed and realized that nothing he did could stop their fun... no matter how annoying it may be.  
  
"I'D DO ANYTHIIIIIING!! JUST TO HOLD YOU IN MY ARMS...!!" the radio belted out from the speakers. Roy and Link joined the radio in singing this happy song. Marth got a migraine.  
  
'So. This isn't Kalamazoo. We ended up here somehow with a Hylian map. We've encountered many things in this town and I DO NOT want to see any more. That HAS to be the last of it. How much more could one town take?' Marth thought to himself as he journeyed out of the room, into the living room, and into a chair.  
  
"That IS the worst of it. It has to be." Marth told himself. "Great, now I'm talking to myself. I'm living a nightmare."  
  
He then heard rapid footsteps running into the living room. Link and Roy had gotten into a Twizzlers stash that had been under the desktop. The blond Hylian now had Twizzlers coming out of his ears and nose while Roy had them stuck everywhere in his hair. They laughed uncontrollably as they ran into the living room, leaped, and landed on the couch. The two continued to laugh and smack eachother in the head with the candy.  
  
Link was just then smacked in the eye. "Owie! Oh, hey Marth! Wazzap?" Link exclaimed, taking a Twizzler out of his ear and handing it to Marth. "Have one!"  
  
Marth twirled the Twizzler in his one hand. "Oh, well, thank you, Link. I'll treasure this forever." Marth chucked the candy behind him. "Alright, men... children. Let's take a stroll to find some sort of information center or something. We really need to do this as soon as possible."  
  
"ASAP!" shouted Roy. Marth raised an eyebrow.  
  
"NO!" Link replied, taking a bite of a Twizzler. "I don't wanna meet another Cheryl!"  
  
Marth sighed. "We won't, Link. That was a one-time mistake. It'll never happen again."  
  
Link squinted at this. "And how do YOU know...?"  
  
"I just do, okay?!"  
  
"C'mon, Rinku. He knows these things." Roy joked and laughed. Link gasped.  
  
"Y-You called me RINKU!" Link cried and hid his face in a pillow. Roy chuckled.  
  
"GUYS! C'MON!" Marth shouted. He turned towards the door sharply. "Fine. I'm leaving without you."  
  
The independent blue-haired swordsman walked over to the door and opened it. He then walked out and slammed the door shut. Link stopped sobbing and looked up at Roy, who then looked at him, then at the door. At the same time they immediately got up, ran to the door, and ran out the door to catch up to Marth.  
  
After finding their compadre chillin' at the coffeehouse that no one noticed was there beside the house, the three set out on their never ending... I mean, difficult quest to finding a decent map of Kalamazoo and, even better, the town they were in. It seemed that no one really wanted to tell them.  
  
"THE VERY WORST PART OF YOU... THE VERY WORST PART OF YOU... THE VERY WORST PART OF YOU... IS ME!!!" Roy sang as the three were back on the sidewalks wandering around aimlessly for some info.  
  
Marth began to think to himself again. 'He speaks the truth. Don't let it get to you, Marth. He won't stop. It's like the human karaoke machine. There's nothing you can do. Just... let it go...' How hard it was to just 'let it go'. Almost impossible to do, in fact. But he kept walking, saying nothing, and eventually Roy figured he couldn't annoy Marth anymore and moved on.  
  
"Did I ever finish my 'Peach Getting Captured' story?" Roy asked.  
  
"Yes." Marth replied flatly.  
  
"Huh." The pyro thought for a moment. "What about the 'Cooked Yoshi Eggs' story?"  
  
Link thought as well. "Mm... nope. Don't think so."  
  
"Oh, well, my troubles are over. Enlighten us with your philosophy, Roy." Marth raised his arms in a 'Hallelujah' gesture and let them drop again to his sides.  
  
Roy began a debate. "What's with those Yoshi eggs? I mean, someone could mistake them for some rare, living dinosaur egg, freeze it, then the Yoshi would end up frozen forever being glared at by snotty kindergartners on a fieldtrip wiping their noses constantly and wondering what the stink a rare Yoshi-dactyl is! Or worse!"  
  
"Or worse...?" Link repeated.  
  
"Or worse, they could be COOKED!" Roy shouted. "It just takes one ignorant person to spot those giant spotted eggs and think 'Hey! Breakfast!' then it's Yoshi waking up next to sausages!"  
  
Marth clapped as Roy was breathing heavily from his debating outburst. "That was... just lovely, Roy, thank you. That'll keep us thinking the WHOLE way."  
  
"Aw man, I know! I mean, poor Yoshi!" Link replied sympathetically, wiping a tear.  
  
"You guys need help." Marth offered his advice.  
  
"Seriously...!" Link groaned. "I... can't get this olive jar open!"  
  
Marth pictured himself on a cliff. The cliff represented 'SANITY'. The word 'SANITY' was written in big giant red letters on the side. ChibiMarth was standing on the cliff, all cute and big-eyed. All of a sudden, a cute ChibiRoy and ChibiLink ran over to ChibiMarth and began to push him towards the edge of the cliff. ChibiMarth was reluctant, but the other two continued to push him farther until he saw the words 'INSANE' in blue, rippling in a river far below. One more push would send him over the edge of Cliff Sanity and into the Insane Rapids below...  
  
'Breathe in, breathe out... breathe in, breathe out...' Marth tried to calm himself.  
  
"Hey, look!" Link pointed to a building in brick, standing tall above the others. It looked important as many people began to follow through the doors and into the building.  
  
"It looks like something important. Maybe we should go in and see. I'll bet you anything there's something in there that'll have a map of Kalamazoo!" Roy figured.  
  
Marth sighed. "Yeah, I guess you guys are right. I hate that. Alright, let's go in."  
  
The three swordsmen ran up the slanted steps that led to the giant brick building. They would soon enter a place... a place like no other. A place where evils lurk and laugh in the darkness. A place... that will hopefully last for only one really long chapter. For the sake of the readers! ONWARD TO THE EVIL BUILDING!  
  
---  
  
Author's Notes: Yay! Hope you enjoyed it. FINALLY, I'm going to do what I wanted to do, like, three chapters ago. With all the fics going around, you can probably guess where they're headed. Where do they ALWAYS end up? I guarantee you; they'll go more places than this. But, I just HAD to do this. I wanted to really badly.  
  
Marth- ::thinks he knows where he's going:: Do you HAVE to send us there?! EVERYONE sends us there!  
  
Roy- Huh?  
  
Link- What?  
  
Marth- ::cries::  
  
Yes. Yes I do. What, you knew you'd have to be there eventually. How could you be in a different state and not go there?  
  
Marth- Easily. You walk right by it and never give it a second glance.  
  
No. Can't do that. MY FIC, man. I decided where you go and what you do and I say you go there because I SAID SO!  
  
Roy- O.o?  
  
Yep! R&R please! 


	8. Yay for Opera Singers!

Author's Notes: Why do I always write these things at night? Ah, well. I've been reading some good SSBM fics lately. Nice job! Anyways, here's another chapter from me. Why? Well, mostly because I'm feeling literally stupid right now and I just got done playing SSBM. (I quit after I got 91 stars on vs. mode) I know, you're all so proud. So I just felt the time was right to continue this fic that... really has no point but to entertain.  
  
Roy- Y'know, you've been making me sing so much, my throat's getting kinda scratchy.  
  
I'm sorry to hear that.  
  
Roy- And you're probably going to get sued with all those songs you put in.  
  
So I like the radio. Is that a crime? Now stop or I'll make you sing 'Poison'.  
  
Roy- ...  
  
That's what I thought. Oh, and, for future reference, I'm a music freak and there are probably going to be a lot more songs in future chapters. So, uh... I don't own any of them. Yeh.  
  
And to the person who asked about the Rinku thing, that's Link's name in Japanese. I found that out once long ago, forgot it immediately, then recently found it again and remembered. I dunno, but it sounds cute, don't it?  
  
- - -  
  
A cold chill could be felt as the three amigos walked into the building. A chill that only one place can carry. About every town has one and they are the worst threat known to mankind. It's evil outer exterior could only be seen by the children that are forced to journey there; day after day after day they travel, only to be greeted by bullies, teachers that don't want to be there and could have been pop stars, and evil people that wear little short shorts that say 'cheer' on one side and 'leader' on the other. And the three were about to experience these horrors... but hopeful only for one really long chapter. 'Cause then people may get bored.  
  
Marth ventured inside first. Link followed shortly behind him as Roy acted as defense in the back, just in case something funny occurred.  
  
"What is this place?" Roy questioned once they had all made it inside. Marth walked behind Roy and shut the door.  
  
The cobalt-haired swordsman glanced around briefly at the smooth yet cracked, cold walls that harbored bad plumbing pipes behind them. "W-What does it look like? It's a... library."  
  
"If this is a library, then my name is Joe. And this is no library." Link replied to Marth.  
  
"Well, what is it then?" Roy crossed his arms to keep warm. It was so chilly...  
  
"This is... City Hall!" Link grinned and shouted; pointing a finger in the air like he had just discovered the moon was made of moose.  
  
The three went silent. Roy raised an eyebrow and looked around slowly. Marth scratched his head in confusion.  
  
"Yeah. It's, ah, City Hall. All these doors lead to... rooms of... knowledge." Marth didactically pointed out. "Lot's of books and maps of the world around us. Yes, this is the way to go! Finally, we'll find a map of the U.S. and get to Kalamazoo!"  
  
Marth pointed as Link had before and began to lead the way. He had no idea where he was heading, but he couldn't let the other two know this. It would destroy the trust all three shared. Plus it would ruin his image. Can't have that, can we? As he continued to lead the way, Link and Roy followed behind. They were silent as they awaited the place where the prince was taking them.  
  
Of course, Marth's plan backfired when he took a wrong turn after walking for about three minutes. Roy and Link knew something was wrong when they ended up outside in the courtyard. Could it be, their friend (and dignified leader) had led them astray? No, this was Marth! He would never lie to them! They were partners! Fearless travelers in an unknown land of evils! And besides, they signed an agreement that if there were to be an untruthful, untrustworthy dude that endangered the lives of the rest of the group, he would be made a sacrifice to the Great Fox.  
  
Roy was the first to speak. "Hey, Marth? Yeah, why are we outside?"  
  
"We're outside because..." Marth looked around frantically for an excuse. His eyes landed on a glass door just up some steps. "Because... there's a door over there we need to go through!"  
  
"Yeah? Alrighty then! I'm leadin'!" Link shouted and zoomed passed Marth towards the door.  
  
"What?" Roy took a minute to think about what just happened. "Hey, waitaminnit! I wanna lead! Get yer Hylian butt back here!"  
  
Roy ran after Link to fight for the lead. The prince of Altea decided not to interfere, for that would make it worse. After all, if they became lost, it wouldn't be his fault anymore. So he walked quickly in a not-so- desperate attempt to catch up to the two swordsmen.  
  
After doing so, and breaking up a Street Fighter style fight between Roy and Link, Marth regained the lead and took charge once again. Feels good to be in charge, thought Marth. And the world is a better place because of it, I'm sure.  
  
"Left! Left! Left, right, left!" Roy continued to chant as the three were near the door.  
  
Marth sighed. "Roy, we ain't in one of your little armies, alright? We're in a respected place of knowledge."  
  
"Hey, watch yo' mouth!" Roy snapped. "Or I'll have one of those 'little armies' come and trample your head!"  
  
Marth rolled his eyes, then stopped as they reached the door. He motioned for the other two to keep quiet as he reached for the handle. Turning slowly, the hand made a slight squeaking noise and then clicked as Marth turned it fully. He then pulled on the bronze handle and the door, making a silent 'whooshing' sound, opened.  
  
As they ventured through the doorway, the three were silent, as to not disturb the 'almighty realm of knowledge'. The swordsmen gathered behind the now closing door in a small yet wide hallway. Muffled sounds could be heard at the other end.  
  
"Hey, what's that sound?" Link whispered.  
  
"See?! I told you this place was infected with the giant over-sized mutant elephant people!" Roy whispered back.  
  
Link pondered. "No you didn't..."  
  
"Guys, enough! Obviously there's people back there who know where they are or they wouldn't be here in the first place!" Marth took charge.  
  
"But, WE'RE here and we don't have a clue---" Link pointed out all smart- like.  
  
"Shut up, Link." Marth replied, beginning to walk down the hall. "Let's go. Keep quiet."  
  
"Yes siree, Mister Evil Overlord Marth!" Roy saluted. His replied was an evil overlord glare.  
  
They walked down the hall as the muffled sounds became louder. Noises they could point out were chairs falling and landing long distances, people screaming, laughing, rapping, and piano keys playing in an inordinate manner. In other words, someone needed piano lessons.  
  
Link winced as the sound of crashing piano keys filled the area, followed by a loud crash that echoed throughout the entire hallway. We've entered the realm of the demons, Link thought. Oh no... Roy was... RIGHT! Jeesh, that's scary enough in itself.  
  
The three reached the door and stopped as Marth leaded against it. But it was loud enough that they could all hear.  
  
"Aw, man!" came half-groans from a few un-named people.  
  
"Oh my gosh, you guys BROKE THE FREAKIN' PIANO!"  
  
Laughs were heard. "We didn't do anything, man! We just all sat on top of it and stuff! We'd done it before!"  
  
"You guys are so dumb! We're gonna get in so much troub---AHHH!"  
  
"What in the name of Gateway is going on he---WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PIANO?!"  
  
There was then silence, but only for a short period of time. Then the chaos resumed. Shadow the Hedgehog heard the 'chaos' and appeared behind the swordsmen, but soon left when realized that he was misinformed by that stupid egg of a man when he saw that the chaos was not in emerald form.  
  
"Well, I guess everything is going... alright," Marth said out loud as he began to open the door slightly. "It must be... a learning rally."  
  
"'Learning rally'?" Link said to himself as the three began to walk inside. "Man, who writes his material?"  
  
As the door fully opened, the swordsmen were shocked to find...  
  
"It's a stage!" Roy exclaimed happily. "Just like at Neko's house! But where's the overpaid celebrity?"  
  
"Wow, a stage," Marth said to himself as Link and Roy ran a bit ahead. "I really don't know where I'm going."  
  
The redhead waltzed in front of the Hylian as they talked about major karaoke and record deals. That is, until they stopped behind the pulled back curtain. There before them were chairs scattered everywhere, including off-stage, people running all over the place and literally acting like apes, and a man standing over a broken piano with a kid he stole from band playing 'Taps' badly on a trumpet. The two were frightened by the sight and quickly ran back to their great leader.  
  
"Marth, Marth, Marth!" Roy shouted and tugged on Marth's left arm frantically.  
  
"What, what, what?!"  
  
"There's something evil around the curtain, we fear!" Link replied, tugging on Marth's other arm.  
  
"Gee, like what?"  
  
"It's... It's... It's... the..." Roy began, but he just couldn't finish. He had been scarred and nothing could be done to save him.  
  
"It's the..." Link's voice became a haunting whisper. "Elephant people!"  
  
Marth stared at the high ceiling and rolled his eyes as his two comrades tugged on his arms, crying and whining about elephant people. I thought people were supposed to get paid to babysit, Marth thought.  
  
"Alright, alright! Just... let me... go..." Marth struggled to get free. Link released his grip, but Roy was still weak from the other incidents involving a short, red underwear-wearing Lollipop Guild reject and an alienated Barney.  
  
After being pitilessly tossed aside by Marth, Roy whimpered and latched onto the curtain instead for comfort.  
  
Marth brushed himself off as Link glared down at the ground, ashamed at his cowardly actions. Marth continued, "Let's go take a look over there. It can't be that bad."  
  
Marth peered around Roy, who was still hugging the curtain, and saw the carnage.  
  
"Poor, poor piano." The man sniffed. "It... never did anything to anybody..."  
  
All the blue-haired swordsman could do was stare. They weren't elephant people... they were monkey people. But he had to be brave for the sake of the group. For the lives of his comrades and people in general! He couldn't say a word about his opinions on the demon monkey children.  
  
"Guys, it's nothing!" Marth replied, turning back towards ashamed Link and beside emotionally scarred Roy. "Come on! We have to at least see if they know anything!"  
  
Link sighed and took a few steps towards Marth until he was in front of him. "Alright. I'll go with you... for the sake of the earth."  
  
The two glanced over at Roy. His face was buried into the curtain he was hugging firmly and he was whispering sentences that no one could understand. "Floating... short people... attacking... riding elephant... children..."  
  
Link looked over at Marth. "Just think. That could've been your arm."  
  
Marth groaned as he walked over to Roy, grabbed his arms, and tried to pry him off of the curtain. It was no use.  
  
"Let me try. Hey Roy," Link yelled. "Twizzlers!"  
  
As if the magic words had been said, Roy's grip on the curtains was released as he fell to floor on his back in a fit of laughter.  
  
"Twizzlers!" Roy shouted. "He said 'twizz-' and then... '-lers'!"  
  
"Ain't it hilarious? Time to go, Roy." Marth and Link grabbed Roy by the arms and dragged him off to where the action was.  
  
After regaining his stance, Roy had joined Link and Marth in their journey. They dodged flying objects, as well as airborne people. It was then that Link spotted a sign.  
  
"It says 'Choir'." Link stopped the group. "Hey, Marth, what's a choir?"  
  
The prince felt faint. More singing. "Uh, you don't know? It's where people... where people... mdighkd."  
  
"What? I didn't hear the last part."  
  
"Where they... mdghsndsk."  
  
"Come again?"  
  
"It's where they SING! People SING! "Marth shouted, then quickly clasped his hands over his mouth. "Oh, no."  
  
Roy spun around. "Sing? That's seriously why there's a stage here? They do that here?"  
  
Marth slouched on the ground. Link grinned.  
  
"Yes! Karaoke on Thursdays, here we come!" Roy high-fived Link as they began to skip towards center stage to a microphone.  
  
Marth had his head in his hands, but looked up as he heard the 'wonderful' sound emitting from center-stage.  
  
"MY HEART WILL GO OOOOOON...!"  
  
The frustrated prince ran to the microphone and stopped the concert.  
  
"Hey! What are you doing?"  
  
"We were just warmin' up!"  
  
"We're here to get IN-FOR-MA-TION. IN-FO. Not karaoke." Marth dragged Roy and Link away from the microphone. "The mic wasn't even turned on, you pieces of cheese."  
  
The three began to walk over towards the man crying over the dead piano.  
  
"So, you say they sing here?" Roy asked Marth.  
  
"YES."  
  
"Yay! I can finally put my talent to good use!"  
  
"I don't think you even know what 'singing' means."  
  
"Hey, I'm offended! Besides, of course I know how to sing! I can sing opera!"  
  
"Good Lord, what brought you to that conclusion?"  
  
"Well, haven't you seen my commercial?"  
  
Link shook his head. How a lady didn't sing opera in his commercials?  
  
The group walked over towards the man crying over the piano. They stared at him for a moment, waiting for someone to speak up and talk to him. Marth gave Roy a shove towards the man, but Roy quickly ran back to the group. He didn't like the sobbing man. He was scary. Instead, Roy slapped Link on the shoulder and made a motion towards the man. Link shook his head fiercely, but Marth motion towards the man again with an evil glare. After quickly sticking his tongue out at the other two swordsmen, Link walked slowly behind the man and tapped him once on his shoulder. The man was frightened.  
  
"EEPERS!" the man in a plaid shirt jumped and turned around quickly. Link, who was not expecting this reaction, jumped backwards and fell off the stage.  
  
The Hylian climbed back up onto the stage with an apparent black eye and stood beside his companions.  
  
"AHH!" the man emitted a girly shriek.  
  
"Hey, only -I- can do that!" Roy argued.  
  
Marth spoke, "Sorry to interrupt your..." Marth looked at the dead piano and the frightened band guy. "...Funeral, but we need to ask you a few ques---"  
  
"HEY!" Link ran to the man quickly and glared at him with his good eye. "Are you a sage...?"  
  
"A what?" the man replied. Marth pulled Link back to reality.  
  
"Ahem! We need to ask you a---"  
  
"Riiiiiiiiiing!" shrieked the bell. Actually, it was more like a buzzer on a gameshow.  
  
Roy jumped up. "Ooh! Gameshow! BIG MONEY!"  
  
It was hopeless---again. They would never get to Kalamazoo before the rest of the Smashers then they would fail and everyone would laugh at them and they would never get the prize... wait, there was no prize. Then why the heck did we go in the first place?! Marth thought irately. No prize for this crud? Might as well go back to wherever 'Nintendo Land' was!  
  
"Everybody get in your seats!" the man shouted to the large group. He then glanced around and saw broken chairs everywhere. "Uh, just go... get some more chairs from the choir room or... something."  
  
The man shooed the group as they all ran to the choir room. The man waited and peered at his watch. Marth raised an eyebrow. Link coughed. Roy found a lonely butterfly that had flown in from the open doors on each side of the stage. He began to poke it and made friends with it. He wiped a tear as the butterfly tragically left him and flew out the door.  
  
After around five minutes, the sound of rampaging elephants could be heard as the whole group at once burst out of the doorway that led downstairs. In a timed two seconds, the group was sitting nicely in chairs aligned in a messy group in their sections. The man turned towards the swordsmen.  
  
"Go sit."  
  
Marth began to argue. "But we're not---"  
  
"WEEEEEE!" Roy and Link grabbed Marth, ran to the back of the group, and slammed him into a chair. They all sat like saints.  
  
The man spoke, "Nice, but you're in the sopranos section."  
  
"I CAN SING SOPRANO!" Roy yelled.  
  
"Oh, no, you can't." Marth replied and dragged them over to the guy's section. They sat quietly in the back as Marth began to listen in on one of the girls' conversations in the soprano section.  
  
"Where's Neko?" the first girl asked.  
  
"Who?" replied the second girl.  
  
"Neko. The chihuahua on crack that stands in the front row."  
  
"Oh yeah! ... Who?"  
  
Wow, she's made quite an impression around here, thought Marth. I wonder where she is? Why do I care?  
  
All of a sudden, the ceiling began to crack and crumble. A loud crash was heard as a pile of ceiling was on the ground, just missing the choir group. A hand broke through the plaster as the group gasped.  
  
"Don't worry guys!" the man directed as he suddenly turned into Arnold Swartzaneger and said in a deep voice, "I will protect you."  
  
Suddenly a mutated evil looking creature leaped out of the rubble and onto the stage. He pointed at the group psychopathically.  
  
"It's Smeagol's! My own! My precioussssss..." cried the creature as it ran out the door on all fours.  
  
The plaster moved again as everyone in the group about had a heart attack. A girl jumped out, looked at the group, and immediately fell asleep from a concussion. The group stared for a few minutes until the evil girl awoke again. She looked at the group and spotted some certain people in the back of the guy's section.  
  
"YAAAAAY!" the girl cried, running to the swordsmen. She grinned at Roy and hugged him, cutting off his air supply.  
  
"EEEP! Dying...! Need... oxygen..." Roy gasped, trying to escape the death grip. Marth pulled the girl off Roy eventually as Roy fell backward in his chair.  
  
"Where've you been, Neko? We haven't seen you since you left one day after getting Roy out from under the couch." Marth asked.  
  
Neko thought for a moment. "...Oh yeah!"  
  
All was silent. The only sound that could be heard was Roy gasping for air.  
  
"Hey, what are you guys doing in my Irish pub?!" Neko accused and crossed her arms.  
  
The swordsmen were confused. Roy began to push himself up from the ground. He was also confused.  
  
A girl suddenly spoke up. "Neko! This is choir class, you idiot!"  
  
"Really?" Neko pondered. "Huh! I could have sworn... oh well!"  
  
Neko ran to the front of the section and sat in her spot, grinning cheesily at the girl next to her.  
  
"I hate you." the girl replied.  
  
"Alright, class! Time to sing stuff!" Ah-nold directed. "Hm. What can we sing? Darn. Ah, let's just sing a Christmas song. Let's pick something you guys'll mess up on... something like... Carol of the Bells!"  
  
The three swordsmen were confused as no piano played and the girls began to sing.  
  
"Harkhowthebellssweetsilverbellsallseemtosaythrowcaresaway!"  
  
"Wha-what?" Link questioned. All of a sudden the guys started to sing.  
  
"Ding-dong-ding-dong!"  
  
"Christmasisherebringinggoodcheertoyoungandoldmeekandthebold! Dingdongdingdong! Thatistheirsongwithjoyfulringallcaroling!"  
  
The guys began to sing again with the girls at a different tone.  
  
"Oneseemstohearwordsofgoodcheerfromeverywherefillingtheair! Ohhowtheypoundraisingthesoundo'rehillanddaletellingtheirtale!  
  
"Yipers..." Roy commented. "I can't sing -that- fast!"  
  
The guys decided that there had to be a better way to get information. And this was not the place to find it.  
  
- - -  
  
Author's Notes: Well, that was a bit longer than usual. How in the world do you spell 'Swartzaneger'? Man, why couldn't his name be Arnold Smith or something?  
  
NEW ZELDA GAME! YAY! So purty!  
  
Link- ::grins:: MWAHAHAHA!  
  
I hope you enjoyed that chapter. Sorry, I would have updated sooner, but my evil computer (which I will shoot) was being stupid and brought back a problem we fixed like, last year.  
  
Roy- YAY! I have a commercial!  
  
Yeh, we know. I love Japanese commercials. I download them and watch them all the time. I have no life. Basically it has two sides facing eachother on a castle or something singing "Fi-re Em-blem, blah, blah, blahblah, blah, blaaaah, blah!" to the tune of the Fire Emblem theme. Then a horsey goes "Neigh!" and a guy that looks like Roy holds up a sword and a lady comes out and starts singing opera.  
  
I don't understand it either. Anyways, I hope you liked the chapter! I actually have an idea for the next chapter so... yay for me. G'bye! 


	9. TV Trauma

Author's Notes: Hi all! I'm finally ready to start another chapter. I think. I'm thinking of starting another story in a different section, but I'm not sure I should. I've also just realized this story doesn't have much of a plot.  
  
Link- Of course it does! I even remember what it is.  
  
Joy.  
  
Link- Don't get sassy with me. All the Smasher type people were sent out to different countries. We were supposed to be sent to the U.S. and in the state of Kalamazoo. But we didn't end up there, did we?  
  
No.  
  
Link- Exactly! Now we're somewhere else because I messed the whole trip up by bringing a Hylian map.  
  
Marth- ...  
  
Link- We're lost because for some reason you won't let us find any signs (which is dumb, because you'd think there would be a sign somewhere) or have any contact with normal people. AND you make Roy and I sound like we don't have a life.  
  
Roy- ... Do we have a life?  
  
Link- Not really, but we deserve some sort of dignity.  
  
Roy- I never thought I'd say this, but I agree with you, Link.  
  
Would you guys please leave so I can get on with the story? This is getting to be a really long disclaimer thing. People don't click on the words 'Surviving the States' just to read a disclaimer, y'know.  
  
Roy- Wait a minute, wouldja? We're having a debate.  
  
Debate my rear end. Now haul your heinies outta here so I can put you guys deeper into despair!  
  
Link- Alright, but this continues after this chapter. Got it?  
  
No.  
  
Link- What?  
  
On with the---  
  
Link- DID YOU HEAR ME?!  
  
On with the story!  
  
---  
  
Tired and frustrated beyond belief, two swordsmen laid passed out in the living room. It seemed to be the end of the world. Everything about this trip was confusing and irritating, right down to the very house they mooched off of. They constantly lived in fear of giant Barney the Demented Dinosaur who resided in one room in the hall. They were even terrified of the overpaid celebrity who also seemed a bit on the manic side. If only they know where they were or knew someone who could help them, they wouldn't be in this mess.  
  
Link lay in a chair in front of the television, near asleep. Marth took over the couch and lay stretched out on top of it, the remote in his hand. His arm was outstretched as his finger pressed the triangular channel "up" button repeatedly. The TV screen showed channels being switched one right after the other as Marth and Link gazed mindlessly at the glowing box.  
  
--

"Have you ever been to Africa?" a voice narrated on the TV as the commercial scene switched to various places in Africa.  
  
One scene that followed had a man walking up to a lion dressed in a lion suit. "Here kitty, kitty, kitty... nice kit---EEEEEYYYAAAAAHHHH!" cried the man as the blurred scene of a mauling lion passed quickly.  
  
The narrator continued. "Isn't African life wonderful? Ha, ha! We think so too. Have you ever wanted to get close to a wild stampeding animal like our friend, Kenny the Cameraman?"  
  
An arm appeared on the right side of the screen shoving a shaking, nervous man with a 5 o'clock shadow and decked out in cameraman gear in the middle of the screen. He shook with fear. "H-Hi. I'm K-K-K-Kenny the Cameraman. I- I'm h-here to tell you that, um... Africa is... well, it's..."  
  
A cane shot out from the right side of the screen and yanked Kenny out of sight. The announcer continued. "What our happy, well-paid and respected member of our work force is trying to say is you need to go to Africa! What? You say you're married?"  
  
The scene changed to a nodding, drunken Kirby smoking a pipe with his rich wife Peach nagging beside him. Ten Kirby/Peach children ran around shrieking, breaking everything in sight, and jumping on Kirby like a trampoline.  
  
"You say you have ten kids that need to be fed and cared for and you can't get off work?" the announcer asked. Kirby nodded again. "Well, no problem! All you have to do is dig up some blackmail, threaten to use it against your boss, and bada-BOOM! You're work-free for an ENTIRE month! That's right, folks! And what better way to spend your first time in Africa than at a zoo run by more of our happy, well-paid and respected members of our work force?"  
  
The scene switched yet again to Bowser in an Australian hunter getup. He spoke as lions jumped over his head and fought, elephants stampeded over him, and monkeys climbed on him while trying to eat him alive. "Hi! I'm Bowser! I'm just one of the many members of the happy, well-paid and respected members of the work force that commutes here everyday to the African National Zoo! It's great to work here everyday knowing these TRAINED and NON-DANGEROUS African animals will be waiting for me to respect ALL the TIME! In fact, here's one now! Meet Mipsy! She's one of the HARMLESS animals here at the---NYAAAAAGGGHHH!"  
  
Mipsy the African Dino-Eating Monkey (or Killus Maximus) jumped on top of Bowser and mauled him like an evil monkey should. The screen began to fuzz out of control, as muted and separated screams from Bowser were the only noises heard. The screen then turned green and emitted a long testing beep.

--  
  
Marth stared with heavy eyelids at the screen as the beep proceeded, drawing his mind in like a trance. "That was cool."  
  
"Yep." Link answered, also with heavy eyelids.  
  
The channel was then changed to a different channel.  
  
--

"That's so Raven! IT'S THE FUTURE HE CAN'T SEE!" singers danced all around a man in a black leather uniform at a school scene. He looked ticked as his short, choppy black hair angled his face and his violet eyes sent only one message: kill. "That's so Raven! HE'S SO MYSTERIOUS TO ME!"  
  
Just then, the man cracked like a twig, called for "Shadow", jumped into a giant mechanized dinosaur-like animal, and went on a rampage to get his revenge on the evil, dancing singers. The theme continued.  
  
"That's so Raven! HE LIKES TO KILL THINGS, THAT HE DOES! That's so Raven! HE NEEDS THERAPY! YEAH!"  
  
The words 'That's so Raven!' and 'Created by Gracie Lou Freebush' appeared on a blank screen behind the man as the theme ended.  
  
"Shut your trap!" replied the raven-haired man as he shot the title screen with a gun and walked off. Then the show began to start.  
  
The show began with Raven standing in the middle of a high school hallway, arms crossed, in the same spot as in the theme song. Nothing happened for a few seconds. All of a sudden, Peach came running from the corner of the hallway behind him. Her blond hair bounced as she ran up to Raven.  
  
"Like, oh my gosh, Raven! Guess what I just did? C'mon, guess!" Peach grabbed Raven's arm and shook it violently with hyper excitement.  
  
"I don't care. Can you die?"  
  
"Like, I don't know! But you didn't guess right! I thought you would have seen that coming with your psychic powers an'all!" the girl replied.  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"Oh, SHEEYAH!" Peach shrieked into Raven's ear as he flinched. "I, like, broke a nail! Lookie!"  
  
Peach shoved her hand in front of Raven's eyes. He glared at the broken pink-polished nail in front of him. "That's great. I don't really give a crap, Peach. I---"  
  
"Yo, RAVEN!" another voice shouted from behind the two.  
  
Raven looked around frantically. "Oh, Lord, PLEASE..." he began to beg.  
  
Young Link, sporting a green do-rag, skidded from behind the same corner Peach appeared out of. He ran to the two and stood in front of Raven. "WUZZAP?"  
  
"Go... away. All of you. Or I'll hunt you down for the rest of your lives." Raven replied calmly.  
  
Peach slapped Raven on the arm. "Pssh!"  
  
"Hey, man, why you gotta be like dat?" Young Link put his hands on his hips and looked up at Raven.  
  
"GAH! All I want to do is drink my highly-caffeinated coffee in PEACE! For the LOVE of DEAD ZOIDS would you PLEASE fly away somewhere else and LEAVE ME ALONE?!" the black-haired boy shrieked. He ran off-screen, knocking over Peach and Young Link.  
  
Without warning, the same mechanized animal appeared in the high school background and began to shoot everything in sight. It went on a rampage as it destroyed the set, sent Peach and Young Link fleeing for their lives, and singed Kenny the Cameraman. Screams were heard as the mechanical dino then shot the camera. The screen turned green and emitted a long testing beep.

--  
  
The two swordsmen were drawn in by the constant beep.  
  
Link stared blankly at the screen. "That was cool."  
  
"Yep." replied Marth as began to change the channel, like he had been all morning.  
  
Before his finger pushed the button, the sound of running feet could be heard. In the entryway to the living room, Roy appeared and glanced in at the other two. He decided it was safe to enter in and walked over to the couch.  
  
"Hey, guys! What'cha doin'?" the redhead asked, leaning over the couch. He then looked up green, beeping screen. "Uh, are you watching something?"  
  
There was no answer. Roy raised an eyebrow and decided to try something else. He walked over to Link, who was still in a trance by the beep. Roy leaned over the chair and snapped his fingers in front of Link's face. "Link? Link...? Is it... alive?"  
  
Link's mouth hung open slightly, as did Marth's, their eyelids heavy. Roy became frustrated and grabbed a vase from off of a freestanding table on a doily. He lifted it over Link's head slowly, closed his eyes, and then with great force brought it down with a loud crash.  
  
Roy opened his eyes slowly and looked at the glass shard in his hand. He then looked down at Link, hoping his difficult technique worked.  
  
Suddenly, Link's blue eyes blinked once, then fluttered out of the trance. Roy grinned evilly and looked over at Marth. Upon hearing the noise, Marth did the same and also came out of the trance. He looked around quickly and spotted Roy hovering over Link's chair with the lonely glass shard.  
  
"Roy, what are you doing?" Marth asked flatly. Roy stopped grinning and threw the glass shard out the window.  
  
"Nothing," he replied. "What are YOU doing?"  
  
"We were just..." Link looked over at the flat-lined beeping TV. "...Watching TV."  
  
Roy looked at the screen. "Right..."  
  
He walked over to Marth, shoved his legs off the couch, and sat down beside him. "What are you watching?"  
  
Marth replied, now sitting up, "I'm not sure. What were we watching, Link?"  
  
"I don't have a clue."  
  
"Hm," the blue-haired swordsman shrugged. "Oh, well."  
  
Marth pressed the channel button yet again as the channel switched.  
  
--

The screen showed a family running out of the house. They had luggage beside them on the ground, as if they were traveling somewhere. While they stood for a moment, a bus labeled 'Six Flags' pulled up on the street in front of their house. They stared at it. It was pretty.  
  
The doors to the bus swooshed open and an old bald guy with a brown- finished cane hobbled down off the steps. He stood in front of the bus when he made it down and his large eyes framed with glasses stared at the family. The family was stunned.  
  
Suddenly, the man dropped the cane and with a battle cry of "WOOOOOCHICKACHICKACHICKA!!" began to dance like a rabid maniac to the tune of 'We Like to Party' by the Vengaboys. He swung his arms like a crazed leprechaun and began to do flips down the family's sidewalk. He then boogied over to the family, grabbed the son, Young Link, and swung him over his shoulder. Young Link's screams could not be heard over the groovy music.  
  
The old man boogied down the street leaving the family in the yard, stunned.  
  
"Get yo' funk on! Go to Six Flags! Or else!" replied the announcer as the scene stayed focused on the on looking family. Then a fast speed voice spoke, "We are not responsible for any accidents or anything that may cause harm to anything around you. We request that you fill out these simple one thousand page forms that confirm that if something does in fact happen to you you won't sue us or anything dumb like that because it really wouldn't be our fault anyway."  
  
The commercial ended with the old man, with Young Link over his shoulder, flipping into the sunset.

--  
  
Roy stared at the TV with a confused look, as did Marth and Link.  
  
"Let's... find something else." Marth replied slowing, raising his eyebrow at the TV. He pressed the channel button to another commercial. Joy.  
  
--

A married couple sat at a lovely table in a beautiful kitchen drinking their highly-caffeinated coffee. It was breakfast time. The couple each had a newspaper because they were rich enough to get two separate papers instead of just one. Because of the newspaper, you couldn't see the couples' faces. But you knew they were there.  
  
In the middle of the table sat a box of donuts. They were nice donuts, never harmed anyone. Recently. They just sat there doing nothing, time passing by.  
  
But, what's this? A brave donut from the box is escaping!  
  
"Eep!" the brave donut cried as it crawled out of the box. It then began to scamper across the table.  
  
It had nowhere to go. Little did it know it was being watched.  
  
All of a sudden, one newspaper slammed on the table as Fox jumped out from behind it. He immediately jumped into midair and shot the donut. The brave little donut was dead.  
  
Then an announcer began to speak. "DRINK OUR COFFEE STUFF!! IT'S GOOOOOOD!" Then Raven appeared in the left side of the screen holding a cup of coffee, winked, and gave a thumbs-up sign.  
  
The commercial ended.

--  
  
The three swordsmen blinked. All three were slowly becoming confused by the TV's mystical teachings. Roy scratched his head, Link still looked confused, and Marth decided to change to another channel.  
  
--

Cheesy floral sounding music began to play as scenes of gardens and kitchens were shown. Little gardens with running waterfalls and kitchens full of tupperware and pretty towels. Backyard patios with lovely floral tables. It was very sophisticated and refined. A little caterpillar with a mission crawled across the stone walkway that led to a flower garden. He was almost there...!  
  
A foot landed on the caterpillar with a loud BAM! The camera's view shifted upward at a forced smiling woman's face. The 'Psycho' theme played quickly as the lady then cocked her head to one side and grinned.  
  
"Hello! Welcome to 'Martha Stewart Living'! I'm Martha Stewart. Welcome to my garden of fantasies!" Martha spread her arms out and looked towards the sky. Behind her, the SWAT team jumped over the fence and moved in towards their target.  
  
"Ahhhh!" Martha sighed as she began to spin around quickly, inhaling the fresh spring air. Martha's arms quickly took out all seven SWAT team members as she spun.  
  
Martha breathed a sigh of forced contentment. "Wasn't that nice? Let's go to the kitchen!"  
  
"But Martha," A voice from the cameraman was heard. "You're supposed to stay out here and---"  
  
Martha grew fangs became evil as she turned around towards the camera and shouted, "SHUT YOUR TRAP!"  
  
The evilness went away as Martha skipped happily towards the kitchen. When she reached the kitchen, she looked at all the tupperware on the island counter. Anger boiled in her mind.  
  
"WHAT IS THIS CRUD?! OH, SOMETHING TO FREAKIN' COOK WITH! YEAH, THAT'LL WORK! STICK IT IN THE FREAKIN' MICROWAVE AND WATCH IT FREAKIN' MELT! IS THAT WHAT YOU FREAKIN' WANT?! I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHIN', MELVIN, IF YOU DON'T GET OUT FROM BEHIND THAT FREAKIN' CAMERA I'M GONNA FREAKIN'..." Martha screamed and began to chuck tupperware at Melvin the cameraman as he dropped the camera. Poor Melvin was helpless.  
  
But the SWAT team had reinforcements! The members jumped out from behind just about everything in the kitchen. They all jumped on Martha at once, picked her up, and carried her out the door.  
  
All was silent as the view from the fallen camera failed to change. The camera was then picked up and a groaning Melvin could be heard. The camera was set up straight and Melvin breathed a sigh of relief. He walked in front of the camera and began to brush it with a little brush, humming to himself.  
  
"I could've been big, they said. Could've been a star." Melvin complained to himself. He then chucked the brush out an open window.  
  
Then Melvin realized he was in front of the camera... on national television! He stopped himself from walking out the door and walked back to the camera. He looked at it and decided that if Martha wasn't going to entertain, he might as well fill in.  
  
"OHHHHH... AY DI DY DI DY DI DY DI DY DI DY!" The cameraman began to do an Irish jig. "I walked into a---"  
  
The screen fuzzed out just as the cameraman got his groove on. The screen turned green and began to emit a long beeping tone.

--  
  
Roy, Marth, and Link stared at the screen.  
  
"MARTHA---" Roy began as he turned to Marth.  
  
Marth stopped the pyro from making a Marth/Martha joke. "Don't even say it. I don't wanna hear it."  
  
Marth changed the channel to escape from the now annoying, evil flat-lined beeping tone. What was with this U.S. TV?  
  
--

Piano music began to play. It was light and played a simple tune that could get stuck in your head for days. On the screen the words 'Everybody Loves Raven' and 'Created by Gracie Lou Freebush' appeared on the screen.  
  
The show started with a house set. A black-haired boy stood in the middle of the set, arms crossed.  
  
"I'm gonna kill that Gracie Lou." he muttered.  
  
The door to the set opened as another boy with brown hair and a cheesy grin stepped in. "Hey, Raven! What'cha doin'?"  
  
"VAN! GET OUTTA MAH HOUSE!" Raven screamed, not moving from the position he was in.  
  
Van walked over to Raven and whispered, "Hey, I have to play a guy called a 'police officer'... What's a police officer?"  
  
"I. DON'T. KNOW."  
  
"Hm. Well, that's gonna be hard for me 'cause I also have to play your brother---"  
  
"My WHAT?!"  
  
The doorbell rang again.  
  
"Open it yerself, ya lazy maggot." Raven replied. He needed coffee badly.  
  
The door opened to reveal a pink puffball looking thing. It walked in the door, not closing it, and walked over to the two men standing in the middle of the set. It stopped in front of Raven, puffed itself up, and kicked him in the shin.  
  
"AH! YOU LITTLE---" Raven shouted and kicked the puffball with a great force. It flew out the open door.  
  
"JIGGLYYYYYYPUUUUUUUUFF...!" the thing's voice faded into the distance.  
  
Van looked thoughtfully out the door. "That's a shame."  
  
"Why?" Raven asked flatly.  
  
"That thing was supposed to play your wife."  
  
"WHAAAT?!" Raven screamed and snapped again. He pushed Van onto the couch and began to run offstage.  
  
"NO, RAVEN! DON'T DO IT!" Van screamed from the couch and shrieked.  
  
"GRAAAAAAAAAR!" growled the mechanized animal from offstage.  
  
The stage crew and innocent civilians screamed and ran all over the place. The camera was knocked over and the TV began to fuzz. The screams were heard off and on as the fuzz then changed to a green screen... with a loud beeping noise.

--  
  
Marth and Link stared blankly at the TV screen.  
  
"Looks like Raven needs a new hobby..." Marth muttered mindlessly.  
  
"Yep." Link answered, equally mindlessly.  
  
There was no third answer.  
  
"What about you, Roy... Roy?" Marth snapped out of his daze and looked around. "SWEET NIGHT!"  
  
Marth groaned and hid his head in his hands. Roy was gone again and there was nothing he could do about it. While they had been watching 'Everybody Loves Raven', Roy had decided to make a film of his own. But the other two didn't know about this, for they were drawn into the light of the glowing box.  
  
Link then snapped out of his daze as well. "What? What happened?"  
  
"Roy's gone. AGAIN." Marth replied, rubbing the sides of his head.  
  
"No... I'm not going in those doors again... BARNEY CAN EAT MY DUST!" Link announced, hiding behind the chair.  
  
Marth sighed. "We'll have to find him. Let's go, Link."  
  
"NOOOOOO!" shouted Link to anyone who could hear.  
  
---  
  
Author's Notes: Good Lord! It took me a long time to make this chapter!  
  
Well, that was fun. My eyes hurt. Meh. ::rubs eyes:: Bedtime. Now, I don't have anything against any shows I parodied. This is just my mind after eating cabbage. But Martha Stewart... she's always kinda scared me. What can I say? She smiled too much.  
  
Roy- ::grins like Martha::  
  
::shudder:: I'm gonna have to ask you to stop that. I mentioned Raven a lot. My friend and I really like Raven and his name just goes so well with everything. ::snicker:: He came from the anime and manga Zoids if you couldn't tell already. Just go to Google, type in 'Zoids', and look for a black-haired guy who usually looks evil. That's probably him. Anyways, I'm gonna go to bed now. Hope you enjoyed that weird chapter that took seven pages! G'bye!


	10. Wicked Witch of the West?

Author's Notes: Greetings! I know that last chapter was kind of different, but I really wanted to do that. And Selah, I just got done looking in your profile and saw your fic with TV and Martha Stewart in it. Looks like she does a good job of getting captured...  
  
I realized I am sort of exaggerating the characters' personalities a bit. I kinda realized that from the start. I'm not sure how it ended up that way, but that's sometimes how my humor fics are, sometimes they're not. My more serious stories (if I every post'em...) aren't as exaggerated. Hm, I think the only serious thing on here that I have is 'Zoids Poetry'. I miss Zoids. Whee!  
  
Link- Y'know...  
  
Oh, not again.  
  
Link- Yes, again.  
  
Roy- We're here to set the record straight!  
  
No. I'm not having a long freakin' disclaimer like the last chapter, no matter how much I enjoy you here, Roy.  
  
Roy- ...?  
  
Exactly.  
  
Link- ... Anyways, those were some nice reviews. But Selah's made an excellent point; WHY NOT LET US ACTUALLY GET TO STINKIN' KALAMAZOO, EH?!  
  
Because! The whole point is FINDING out where you are and getting TO Kalamazoo! Can't go somewhere if you don't even know where you are yourself! Plus, the story would be short in my standards.  
  
Roy- Then why in Froad's name will you NOT let us find any SIGNS?! ENOUGH OF THE CAPS! WHY IS THE CAPS EVEN ON?!  
  
Because I can't get the slant thingy.  
  
Roy- Oh, okay.  
  
::shifty eyes::  
  
Link- ... What? EEEEEP--- ::is dragged off by a Link fangirl::  
  
Fangirl- WHEEEE!  
  
Thanks, Gracie Lou. You've brought hope to all Link fangirls out there.  
  
Roy- ::runs::  
  
This disclaimer took more than half a PAGE! This will NEVER happen AGAIN! ::turns of caps lock and hurries to start story... on the next page::  
  
---  
  
"But I don't wanna!" cried Link as he was being literally dragged out the door.  
  
Marth decided not to look at the pitiful lump he was dragging behind him. They had begun to walk down the sidewalk. "Link, you know the drill by now. Roy runs off without us, we go find Roy, we get in trouble, Roy finds us, we all cry, yadda, yadda, yadda, the end."  
  
"B... But... I don't like that rule! I wanna go home!"  
  
"So do I, Link. I don't even care about Kalamazoo anymore." Marth sighed.  
  
Link looked up sadly. "Really?"  
  
The prince nodded. "I just want to go back to Peach---I mean, back to the rest of the Smashers. Who sent us on this stupid vacation, anyway?"  
  
Link shook his head. He missed the rest, too. But no. It seemed that someone didn't want them to get to Kalamazoo... someone with evil intent. Someone like...  
  
"Hiya!" cried a voice of someone running down the sidewalk.  
  
Marth and Link looked up. Immediately they wished they had stayed in the house and watched television the rest of that morning.  
  
"Aw, for the love of Gimli!" Marth shut his eyes tightly, wishing for the nightmare to end, and shouted. The girl ran up to them, acting as if she had been in a candy store, ate all the candy, and then went to an Irish pub for an excessive amount of Dr. Pepper.  
  
"Go away, Neko! No one wants you in this fic!" Link shouted. He then looked up at Marth, who was still holding him in dragging position, and made an angry expression.  
  
Neko crossed her arms and pouted. "So?"  
  
"So leave! We have enough problems already!" Marth replied. He saw Link's expression and immediately released him from his grasp.  
  
"Let me guess. Roy saw the wonderful things on U.S. TV, decided to make a movie, ran off, and now you guys are left to find him. Like the doors." Neko ranted, briefly checking her pink polished fingernails.  
  
Marth began, "How did you---wait a minute, Neko doesn't wear nail polish!"  
  
Link thought for a moment. He then glanced at Neko and realized, "Hey! You're not Neko!"  
  
The girl looked up at the two remaining swordsman quickly. She performed a quick secret agent back flip then peered at them with an evil eye. She began to speak with an accent. "So... you've vound out my little secret. I am not your precious Neko you speak of..."  
  
"'Precious'?" Link asked, not quite getting the point. Then he replied, "Wow, you sound just like Boris and Natasha!"  
  
After hearing this, "Neko", in the blink of an eye, pulled off the Neko Costume to reveal...  
  
"Hello, friends!"  
  
Bright rays of sunlight beamed down from the heavens through the clouds. The grass became greener and birds began to sing a happy prelude to the white cat, who began to dance on the sidewalk.  
  
"Hello Kitty! Play with us today! We'll laugh and sing on this lovely sunny day! All your friends are waiting for you! Ready to run and play! Everyone will gather 'round! This is what they'll say! When we see your friendly smile it brightens up our day! OH! Hello, Hello Kit---"  
  
Link and Marth couldn't believe the sight. Before their very eyes was Hello Kitty. Lover of friends. Keeper of innocence. Household pet. It stunned them as they watched the white cat in denim overalls dance around with mice, dogs, and any other animal you could think of. They wanted to look away, but they just couldn't. It was like a car wreck. It was like watching Pikachu wreck the gang of Sesame Street's van when he was asked to be on the show after being mistaken for a child's toy.  
  
"---love is in your heart! It sings a happy tune! OH! Hello, Hello Kitty! Hello---"  
  
"Uh, Nek---Kitty? Don't you have somewhere ELSE you need to be?" Marth suggested after being reminded of Roy out somewhere in the wilderness... alone... afraid...  
  
Kitty thought for a moment. Then, she remembered! "By gum, you're right! I must help my sister for some reason! UP, UP, AND AWAY!"  
  
Hello Kitty had jumped in her magical hot air balloon with her twin sister, Mimmy. They floated away towards the cotton candy clouds, singing and filling their hearts with joy as the birds sang a song of seventh heaven... Uh, huh. That's what they did, yep.  
  
"Well, that was---"  
  
"No time to think about the cruelness of this town, Link! We must save Roy from the horrors of the city!" Marth shouted, getting all brave like. He stood up and began to drag Link again.  
  
"And I did WHAT to deserve this?" Link thought aloud. But even this was to complicated to figure out. Truly, it was sad.  
  
After a few minutes of silent walking---or rather, Marth walking one second, going the speed of Jeff Gordon's race car the next, then crawling the speed of a turtle while Link became confused, thought Marth was still going fast, then run right past him---the two Smashers became distressed. Where was their lone companion? They worried that something bad might have happened to him... After all, they knew how Roy got when he didn't get his daily serving of Sour Skittles.  
  
FLASHBACK!  
  
A happy Roy magically came out from behind the chair Marth had been sitting in. He looked at Marth, smiling widely and eyes sparkling like an angel's.  
  
"Oh, hi Roy. What are you---"  
  
"WHERE IN DR. LIGHT'S LAB ARE MY SKITTLES?!"  
  
END FLASHBACK!  
  
All hope was becoming lost. Marth decided to slow down after he used up the energy boost he had been feeling. Link didn't know this of course and ran right past Marth, thinking he was keeping up with him. Marth watched as Link ran past him once again and waited.  
  
Running footsteps were heard as Link came back to a screeching halt in front of Marth. "Alright, I've had enuffa you, Speed Racer, all speeding up and slowing down and whatnot. Find out where you're gonna go and GO, ya hear?!"  
  
"It ain't that easy, Link."  
  
"Foofah!"  
  
"Fine then! You decide where to go!"  
  
"Fine! I will! Hmph!" Link strutted over behind Marth. Marth watched him go past and walk over to what seemed to be where woods began. He stopped and looked at the ground.  
  
Marth yelled to Link, "Did you find something?"  
  
When Link didn't answer, the prince decided to see for himself. He stood up, dusted himself off, and walked over to Link. He then saw why Link had a seemingly confused look on his face.  
  
"A Skittles bag..." Marth replied silently. "Link, you don't think..."  
  
"No, I don't."  
  
"Shut up. You don't think Roy went in the woods, do you?" Marth asked.  
  
Link looked up towards the woods and blinked. "Well, probably. Heck if I know---"  
  
"Link! Look!" Marth shouted suddenly.  
  
The blond glanced over to where Marth was pointing. A trail of rainbow started a few feet from the entrance of the woods and continued into it. Surely Roy wouldn't go into the woods alone! Then again, he probably would.  
  
"Aw, man! We have to go in there?!" Link protested.  
  
Marth raised an eyebrow. "Scared, Link?"  
  
"No!" the Hylian argued. "I just... I..."  
  
"Forget it! Let's go!"  
  
Insert heroic music here.  
  
Marth and Link decided to venture into the woods to find their long lost buddy. They started at the trail of colorful candy and followed it into the wildlife-filled section of the town. As Marth and Link tiptoed into the woods, all sound had suddenly quieted. The sun's light had been almost fully blocked by the tall trees' branches. It created a kind of ceiling for the woods. Link, of course, did not like this little sense of imagery.  
  
"Whoa! Who turned out the freakin' lights?" Link exclaimed after he and Marth stepped into the place of no return.  
  
"Aw, poor wittle Link! Scared of the big meanie twees?" Marth joked.  
  
"Stop it! I had a nightmare about Ents once! I have a reason, okay?" Link replied.  
  
"Yeah, sure." Marth muttered to himself as he began to walk further, Link trailing behind. Once again, it was Marth in charge.  
  
They continued to follow the trail of Skittles. But was there enough in the bag to lead them the whole way? Roy couldn't have gotten far within the last hour. So the brave warriors ventured on towards their destiny... or Roy, at least.  
  
Suddenly, Marth froze and motioned for Link to do the same. He then said quietly, "Come here! I think I found something!"  
  
"What is it?" Link asked curiously. He ran towards Marth and looked at what he held in his hands.  
  
"I think it's a video camera of some kind." Marth replied. "Come to think of it, it was always sat on the top shelf of the storage desk in the living room. Was it gone when we left?"  
  
"Apparently!" Link answered. "Roy must've taken it."  
  
"But he wouldn't leave it here!" Marth turned the camera in all different directions.  
  
Link offered some help. "Maybe we can see what he recorded and find out where he is!"  
  
Marth took this into consideration and began to try to figure out how. He pressed a few buttons. This only made the camera make strange noises and whirring sounds. Nothing he seemed to do worked.  
  
Link waited impatiently as Marth tried to figure out the camera. He couldn't stand it any longer. "Gimme the camera, Mr. Technology."  
  
After snatching the camera from Marth's hands, Link craned his arm back, camera in hand, and launched it into a tree.  
  
"LINK! YOU 3-WATT BULB! WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!" Marth yelled and was about to strangle his companion, but decided to aid the camera. For all he knew, Link had killed it.  
  
He ran over to the camera and picked it up. Marth brushed off some of the leaves and dirt, and then opened the viewing flap. The screen was blue, and had the date in one corner and the time in the next. Link peered over Marth's shoulder to see if his experiment proved successful. The screen then started to show a picture.  
  
"It worked...!" Marth exclaimed.  
  
"Yep yep!" Link retorted.  
  
The screen showed a view of what seemed to be the house they were staying in.  
  
--  
  
"Hi! We're here in the town of---" a man's voice replied on the screen. The camera ran into a wall, fuzzed for a few seconds, then came back. "Whew! Sorry about that! We're in a house in the middle of nowhere on a street where nobody goes!"  
  
The view ventured down a white hallway, identical to the hallway in the house the swordsmen were staying in. Many doors flew by as the man behind the camera narrated.  
  
"We're here to do a documentary on wallaby's! Yes, those cute little Australian... things that they based a cartoon off of!" the man's voice replied.  
  
As the camera went further down the hall, you began to hear noises coming from one of the rooms. It began to sound like someone playing a video game.  
  
"Hm? What's this?" the man replied after hearing the noise. "Could it be a wallaby? Let's take a look and find out, shall we?"  
  
The man walked further down the hallway with the camera until the noises could be distinguished. There were a few shouts coming from the other room, as well as a noise that sounded like coins jingling. Sometimes bombs could be heard.  
  
The man behind the camera reached for the doorknob on one of the doors and-- -  
  
--  
  
"NO! DON'T DO IT!" Link screamed. A squirrel who didn't like the noise dropped a nut on his head.  
  
--  
  
---twisted it until the door came open. You could now see inside the room, even though the cameraman had a bit of "shaky cam" going on. There, near the door, sat a frustrated Roy playing a Nintendo 64. You could tell the screams you heard earlier down the hall were most likely his.  
  
"Stupid Mario! Jump! Jump I say!" Roy yelled at the TV. He was sitting on the floor cross-legged. "Were you always this useless?!"  
  
"Ahem!" the cameraman exclaimed.  
  
Roy jumped and glanced behind him quickly so the Mario on the TV didn't run off a cliff. "Oh, hey, Drew."  
  
"Roy m'man! How've you been? We missed you at the stage yesterday!" Cameraman Drew Carey replied.  
  
"Yeah, I know. But I've been kinda busy lately. What with being stranded and all." The pyro replied, still trying to get Mario to jump onto a box.  
  
"Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!" Mario cried each time he jumped.  
  
"Hey, I understand." Drew sympathized. He knew what it was like to be stranded. "Hey, what are you playing?"  
  
Roy let out a frustrated yell then replied, "Super Mario 64."  
  
"Hm. Isn't that that guy you work for?"  
  
"We don't WORK for him!" Roy yelled, now standing on his knees glaring angrily at the screen three inches away.  
  
Drew pondered. "But he pays you for fighting eachother, right?"  
  
Roy froze for a few seconds, then resumed Super Mario DOOM 64. "No..."  
  
"Pssh. You got ripped off."  
  
"Ex-CUSE me? What about YOU? Mr. Underpaid-Celebrity-Living-In-Someone- Else's-HOUSE."  
  
Drew Carey thought about this, but his one-track mind quickly forgot it. The camera view jumped a bit as Roy let out a huge battle cry then made Mario jump in the air and do a huge butt-stomp off the edge of a cliff.  
  
"Okay..." Drew replied quietly.  
  
Roy silently turned off the game and stood up. He looked right at the camera. "What are you doing, Carey?"  
  
"Filming a film about wallaby's!" Drew exclaimed with great excitement.  
  
Roy raised an eyebrow. "'Wallaby's'?"  
  
"Yeah! Wanna help? I think there's some in the woods around here! You can be the host!"  
  
The redhead thought about this for a moment. Then replied, "Sure! Let's get outta here."  
  
After Roy's declaration, the camera view followed Roy as he turned off the light to the room and wandered into the hallway. He passed all the doors and eventually made it to the living room.  
  
In a behind view of the living room, you could see 'Everybody Loves Raven' playing on the TV screen. Link and Marth were silent, mouths slightly open, glaring tiredly at the TV. Roy walked over to them quietly and motioned for Drew Carey to aim the camera at the other swordsmen.  
  
"Blackmail!" Roy whispered, pointing at the other two. Drew snickered quietly as Roy left his comrades and walked to the kitchen.  
  
He ran hurriedly towards the door that led outside and opened it. The camera followed as Roy walked outside into the yard. Drew shut the door behind them.  
  
"Here we are on the sidewalk of a town we're stranded in!" Roy announced as a TV host. "There's a ton of wildlife here---EEP!"  
  
Roy shrieked as some wacko on a unicycle sped past, almost knocking Roy over.  
  
"Ya moron!" Roy shouted, then resumed his job. He began to walk down the sidewalk. Destination: woods. "As you can see, there's a TON of wildlife out here! But the wildlife we're hoping to find is the rare Chihuahua Wallaby! That's right, the Chihuahua Wallaby! This rare kind of wallaby hails from the shores of Palooka and is part of the toucan family!"  
  
"What?" Drew thought to himself under his breath.  
  
"But recent studies show that the Chihuahua Wallaby had been brought over by some Europeans 100 years ago to the U.S. while trying to escape the Ice Cream Flood incident in Madagascar." Roy continued his lecture.  
  
"Uh, Roy?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"We're here."  
  
"Oh. Yay!"  
  
The camera followed as Roy ran over to the woods off to the right.  
  
"Now! We will continue the show after a word from our sponsor!" Roy took out a bag a Skittles and disappeared from view. The camera view aimed towards the ground to see that Roy had sat down with his bag of Skittles and began munching on them quietly.  
  
--  
  
"ZEE SKEETLES!" Link shouted in an accent similar to Hello Kitty's.  
  
"Link! Would you PLEASE be quiet?!" Marth shouted.  
  
--  
  
"What are you doing?" Drew asked. He watched Roy eat the Skittles from the bag.  
  
"What's it look like I'm doing, man?" Roy replied, throwing a Skittle at the camera.  
  
"Yeah... well... we need to hurry, alright? Can't you just take some with you or something?" Drew Carey suggested.  
  
"Well... I guess so." Roy sadly stood up and grabbed a handful of Skittles, which he put in his pocket. He left the bag on the ground.  
  
"What a trooper!" Drew Carey exclaimed as Roy gave him a black look. "Hey, don't blame me. Blame the Chihuahua Wallaby."  
  
Roy ran ahead towards the woods. "Whatever." Skittles began to fall out of a hole in his pocket.  
  
He finally entered the woods and Drew ran to catch up with him. The swordsman began to walk to a tree with green moss on one side. "Wallaby markings. Got it?"  
  
"Uh... yeah."  
  
'This kid's nuts!' Thought Drew. 'Maybe I should offer him a job...'  
  
"Alright. The Chihuahua Wallaby is one of the shyest creatures in the universe. You won't see it unless you do the wallaby call." Roy continued.  
  
"And what might that be?" Drew Carey asked.  
  
Roy shrugged. "How should I know? Who do you think I am? Einstein?"  
  
"No, I guess not." came Drew's sarcastic reply.  
  
Roy walked deeper into the woods, narrating all the way. "... Its favorite fruit is honeydew melon..."  
  
Little did Roy and Drew know that they had a stalker following them. A shadow flew over quickly above the unsuspecting duo.  
  
"What the heck was that?" Roy asked, peering up at the trees.  
  
"I dunno. Maybe a bird?" Drew suggested.  
  
Then Roy got an idea. "Maybe it was a Chihuahua Wallaby!"  
  
"Yeah, sure." Drew replied.  
  
"Hey, man, don't give up hope now! Maybe it'll come back!"  
  
Just as Roy had said this, someone---or rather, something---flew near the two, apparently knocking Drew Carey over as Roy screamed loudly. The camera fuzzed off and on, and what seemed to be a flapping noise was heard. Roy and Drew screamed like nobody's business as the terrifying 'thing' attacked.  
  
"NOT THE FLYING MONKEY'S!" Roy's screamed, referring to one of his favorite movies. His screams could be heard much louder than Drew's.  
  
The camera continued to fuzz in and out, then finally fuzzed completely.  
  
--  
  
"What in the world was that?!" Marth exclaimed. "It looked like some sort of... witch or something."  
  
Link whimpered. "I WANNA GO HOME! TAKE ME BACK!"  
  
Just then, the camera fuzzed back in.  
  
--  
  
It was seemed to be in a rather dark spot, as if at night. The top half of Roy's head could be seen, as he held the camera in terror.  
  
"We don't know where we are... It's getting really dark and I don't know if we'll make it back...! All I can say is if someone finds this... get yer butts out here and HELP US! Man, it's creepy out here! Drew? H-Hey, Drew! Get Back here! No! NO, DREW! DON'T GO TOWARDS THE LIGHT! DON'T GO TOWARDS THE--- hey, is that a gingerbread house? Hm."  
  
The camera dropped to the ground the other direction. You couldn't see what was happening in the other direction as the camera stopped recording.  
  
--  
  
Marth and Link stared in utter disbelief. What had just happened?  
  
"NO! ROY! DON'T GO!" Link cried.  
  
Marth closed the camera and glared at the sobbing swordsman on the ground.  
  
"WHY?! WHY?!" he cried again.  
  
"Get ahold of yourself. We've been through this once." The blue-haired swordsman grabbed Link by the arm, forcing him to his feet. "Let's go see if we can find him, alright?"  
  
"Man, I don't wanna go there!" Link protested. "It's evil down there!"  
  
"You don't know that! Besides, if you were there, wouldn't you want to be rescued?"  
  
"Of course! But..." Link went silent.  
  
"Exactly. Come on, Courage." Marth began to walk deeper into the woods, with Link following close behind.  
  
---  
  
Author's Notes: Shwiggity shwiggity shwaaaaa...  
  
It's not that late right now, but late enough. ::yawns:: Whoopee.  
  
Roy- Were did you put me?  
  
You'll have to find out in the next chapter.  
  
Roy- Why?!  
  
Why not?  
  
Roy- ...  
  
Link- Now, back to what we mentioned earlier...  
  
Link, listen. I love ya, you're one of my favorite characters in the whole, wide world so I'm gonna say this politely: shut yer yammerin' skull cave.  
  
Link- ... Well, since you said it nicely! ::leaves::  
  
I know everyone's waiting for the time when they finally get to Kalamazoo. If it makes anyone feel any better, there's going to be about two or three chapters left. I really don't want to end this fic. I really love it. But I have more ideas that I don't want to start until this is done. Foofa!  
  
Roy- I'm back!  
  
Okay!  
  
Roy- I'm... having mixed feelings about you.  
  
Read my profile. Clear those feelings.  
  
Roy- Alright. ::reads profile:: Oh my Snickers. You're one of THEM! Those fangirl people no one likes!  
  
I might be. Do you object?  
  
Roy- Nah. Just end the chapter already.  
  
Thanks to all who reviewed! I hope you enjoyed this weird chapter thing! G'morning, g'night, g'whatever the time is where you are! 


	11. When Good Grandmas Go Bad

Author's Notes: I am error!  
  
I was on today for, like, three or four hours. ::bug-eyed:: Most reading some past stories.  
  
I just realized that there's a TON of 'Ravens' out there. I did think about having Raven from FE be the victim of Gracie Lou's rath, (Heehee. I said 'Rath'. FE. Get it? Don't care? Fine.) but he doesn't have a Zoid to destroy things like the other Raven. But I suppose FE Raven could really unleash some unholy rath ::meehee:: on someone, though.  
  
Rath- ...  
  
Fine, I'll quit saying 'rath'. ::pokes Lucius::  
  
Raven- !! ::begins to talk like crabs from 'Finding Nemo':: Hey... Hey... Don't you be touchin' Lucius!  
  
Why not? Fine, I'll just poke you, then. ::poke::  
  
Raven- Poke me again and I'll attack Eliwood.  
  
NOOOO! Alright, fine, ya snot. Wait, I like Raven. Nevermind. Wow, that was strangely random.  
  
Lucius- ::hallelujah gesture:: O Elimine, please guide me to the holy place at WalMart that is the nail polish section!  
  
... Okay. Anyway, thanks for the awesome reviews! I hope you enjoy the next chapter!  
  
---  
  
It had been a bright afternoon, yet it was prevented from Marth and Link's sight by the unforgiving trees that hung overhead. If only the rest of the world knew their pain. They had themselves declared the town they were stranded in as Hecktown, due to the massive amounts of evil they had experienced. So Hecktown it shall be.  
  
Trudging sluggishly through the woods, Link and Marth began to feel the sun even through the trees.  
  
"Geez, it's hot out here." Link complained. "Even with the stupid trees Hecktown lives up to it's name!"  
  
"Once we find out what happened to Roy this'll all be over. Hopefully." Marth mused.  
  
Link then added, "And don't forget about Drew Carey, too. Poor guy."  
  
Marth scoffed. It was Drew Carey's fault they were there in the first place. Chihuahua wallaby. Who in the world would invent such a thing? 'Oh, right. Roy did.' Marth recalled.  
  
It had been around two hours of walking since the swordsmen first found the camera. About the worst thing that could happen right now is finding out they were going in circles...  
  
"Hey, Marth?" Link spoke up. "Doesn't that blade of grass look familiar?"  
  
"Shut up, Link."  
  
It seemed like a very large woods for such a town. But after walking around the same place for two hours, you'd think the same thing. All that went through the two swordsmen's minds were finding out where Roy had been led off to. And what they would do to Drew if they ever found him. 'They should be around here somewhere,' Marth thought. 'There's no way they could have gotten too far after dropping that camera. It seemed like they were closer than this.'  
  
Link was pondering on this as well. 'Man, I'm hungry...' thought Link upon hearing his stomach growl, reminding him how quickly they left that day without eating anything. Then he thought, 'I wonder what a Chihuahua wallaby looks like...'  
  
All of a sudden, Marth stopped. Link, who wasn't paying attention to the real world whatsoever, ran into him and halted. "Hey, what gives?"  
  
"Look over there!" Marth pointed.  
  
The Hylian glanced over to where Marth was pointing. "What in the world is that?!"  
  
The cobalt-haired swordsman squinted to get a clearer view. "It looks like... like a gingerbread house or something."  
  
"Or like someone has way too much time on their hands," Link added, walking up next to Marth.  
  
They took a few steps toward the brown house. Sure enough, in a clearing in the woods, sat what appeared to be a gingerbread house. It had windows of course, lined with a colorful icing-looking substance. A door was on the front of the house, having the same appearance as the windows. It wasn't tall, but rather took on the appearance of a small cottage. Link wanted to eat it. He decided to walk up to it, despite whatever owned it.  
  
"Get back here, Link!" Marth replied, grabbing his comrade by the back of his tunic and pulling him backwards. "We don't know what's over there!"  
  
"What do ya think is over there?! Chihuahua wallabies?! Come on!" Link struggled to convince his fellow swordsman that nothing was wrong.  
  
Marth yelled, "Are you daft?! You don't have a clue what's over there!"  
  
"I don't care! I--- hey, crumbs! Yay!" Link stopped mid-sentence and began to pick up gingerbread crumbs that led to the house. Marth, feeling rather hungry as well, decided to follow Link for... moral support.  
  
Halfway to the house, Marth stopped Link suddenly.  
  
"Wait a second. Didn't Roy say something about gingerbread on the video?" he exclaimed.  
  
"Yeah, so?" Link replied, eating gingerbread crumbs.  
  
"Link, you dimwit. Roy could be in that house somewhere! After he had been attacked, he must have ran to this house for safety! If we take a peek inside the door, I'm sure we'll find Roy!" Marth explained.  
  
Link shrugged. "I guess so. I don't have to leave the crumbs though, do I?"  
  
Marth sighed in frustration as the whole 'Insanity' bit ran over in his mind again. But this time it was only ChibiLink and it wasn't the Insane Rapids; it was the Demented Jailhouse. And ChibiRoy was trapped in it.  
  
The two began to move forward towards the house. After reaching the door, Link moved behind Marth once more, hinting he would not be the one opening the door. Marth realized this hint and didn't bother to argue. He reached out for the doorknob and turned it slowly. The doorknob was about the only thing that wasn't edible on the entire house... unless it was all glued together with Elmer's. Marth didn't want to think about this though, after watching Link eat part of it.  
  
He turned the knob slowly, opening the door just a bit. He glanced inside, looking for some sign of life. And, just as he had thought, there was Roy. But not as he expected. No, Roy seemed to be enjoying himself sitting in a corner reading a book. Hm. Roy was reading.  
  
Marth didn't think about this for long and ran inside the house quickly. Link took this as a cue that everything was fine and ran in after Marth. Crumbs in hand, of course.  
  
"Roy!" Marth cried as he ran towards his friend.  
  
"Hm? Oh, hi Marth! What are you doing here?" Roy questioned, looking of from his book.  
  
"What do you mean 'what are you doing here'? You took off and we came all the way out here in these stupid woods to find you!" Marth answered.  
  
"Oh. That's cool." Roy added, and continued to read his book.  
  
Marth emitted a low, frustrated growl and glared at Roy. After all that, after worrying and all the evil involved with their two-hour journey, 'That's cool' was the reply. After all that hiking and complaining... after all that hard work... after trying to get Link to shut up for so long...  
  
"Hey, Roy!" Link ran over to where Roy was. He had been licking the window after realizing it was made of sugar glass.  
  
"Link! Take a look a look at this," Roy pointed to a few spots in the book where he was reading.  
  
"Huh. 'Hansel and Gretel'. 'Hansel'?" Link repeated, making a disgusted face. "Who names a kid Hansel?"  
  
"Quit reading fairy tales, Roy, and get up. We should be heading back to the house." Marth directed.  
  
Roy frowned at Marth. "I can't do that!"  
  
"Good Lord. Why not?" Marth sighed, afraid of the answer.  
  
"Because! That would be rude!" Roy explained. "You don't just get invited in someone's house just to leave without telling them! That wouldn't be fair to that smelly old lady that lives here!"  
  
Marth looked at Roy. "What old lady? You mean someone's here right now?"  
  
"Nah. She left about half an hour ago. 'To get some lizard eyes', I think is what she said."  
  
"Lizard... eyes?" Marth was disgusted. Who in the world goes to a supermarket to buy lizard eyes?  
  
"Yup. That's what she said. She also said something about spider webs or cobwebs or Morgan Webb or something like that. Probably some craft project." Roy assumed.  
  
Great. 'After everything that happened before, let's throw an old creepy lady into the mix,' Marth thought, rolling his eyes. He had decided they had better leave before something weird happened.  
  
"That's... great, Roy. Maybe we should leave here before---" Marth began, but was cut off.  
  
"Leeeeeeaving...? So sooooon...?" a crackly voice from behind him replied.  
  
The Altean spun around quickly to come face to face with one of the most bizarre sights he had ever seen! It appeared to be an old woman. She was wrinkly beyond belief and dressed as if she had just came back from a trip to Holland. Maybe it was the clog shoes, maybe it was the white dress with puffy sleeves and a flowery apron, or maybe it was the weird frizzy salt and pepper hair that donned atop her head. But something about her didn't sit quite right. Marth realized this, so after getting over the fact that she looked like she had been hit by a semi twice, he carefully confronted her.  
  
"Who are you?" he asked, eyes wide in fear of the evil woman glaring at him with large, unholy eyes.  
  
"My dear, that is the question I should be asking! This is my house! Eeheeheeheehee!" the lady cackled, walking closer to the blue-haired prince.  
  
Marth stepped back a bit. "Uh... Then... Why is this house made of gingerbread?"  
  
"Because, sonny! It's been a dream of mine to build the biggest edible house in all of Holland! But those mean people at Guinness said that a cookie house in Ireland beat me by about 675 feet! So I live here in the woods, the only contact with the world I have being lost innocent children that stop by!" the weirdo explained.  
  
"And... where are these children now?" Marth asked nervously.  
  
"Why, they're back at their homes, of course! What did you think I'd do with them? Eat them? Eeheeheeheehee!"  
  
Marth stepped back even further. "Okay then..."  
  
"Hey, Gertie!" Roy waved at the old lady from the corner.  
  
"Hello, sweetie! You didn't get lonely while I was gone, did you?" the freakish woman asked.  
  
Roy moved his hand in a dismissing gesture. "Nah. My friends came here to save me or whatever. Pretty weird, huh?"  
  
Gertie walked closer to the trio. "Indeed!"  
  
"So... you wouldn't mind if we left then?" Marth followed Gertie with his eyes as she walked over to Link and began playing with his hair. Link didn't like this and slapped her, receiving an evil glare.  
  
"Hmph. What nice children." Gertie scowled, rubbing her hand. "Why would you leave? You just got here!"  
  
Marth began to feel sweat run down his face. "Yeah... about that... we need to go to a... a meeting."  
  
"A meeting, you say? What a shame..." Gertie replied thoughtfully, still glaring at Link.  
  
"Hey, what's her problem?" Link whispered to Roy.  
  
"How the heck should I know? Maybe she's gonna give you some lizard eyes or something." Roy whispered back, returning to his book.  
  
"Did she do that to you too?"  
  
"Yeah. Lizard eyes taste pretty good, man." Roy looked upward, remembering the even that took place before Marth and Link had arrived.  
  
But we don't want to see that.  
  
"Ew..." Link made a disgusted face at Roy. Then he turned to the woman, who was now poking Marth as he tried to run from her. "Listen, woman, no offence, but we don't really like lizard eyes, alright?"  
  
"Really? He did." Gertie motioned her thumb towards the redhead, who had just finished the book and was now standing up.  
  
"Alright, enough!" Marth yelled, now hiding under a wooden table. He climbed out from under it. "Would you just tell us who you are already?!"  
  
Gertie looked shocked and muttered to Roy, "Is he always like this?"  
  
"Pretty much." Roy muttered back. "You should have seen him on the plane."  
  
Marth had decided to ignore that comment.  
  
Link had picked up the book Roy had been reading. He had read it before. Two kids followed a trail of breadcrumbs to a lone gingerbread house where an old witch was waiting for them inside. But when they had gotten inside for awhile...  
  
Link's eyes widened at the ending of the tale.  
  
"EEP! ROY, STEP AWAY FROM THE WOMAN!!" he yelled, chucking the book at the window.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"BECAUSE SHE'S GONNA MAKE YOU EAT LIZARD EYES 'TIL YOU PUKE AND THEN SHE'S GONNA EAT YA!!"  
  
Roy scoffed. "Phht. Gertie wouldn't do that. Right? ... Right?"  
  
The redhead became frightened, emitted a small shriek, and ran to the door. He tried frantically to get it open. "THE DOOR'S LOCKED! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"  
  
"Crud. Time to call in the reinforcements." Gertie said to herself. "BARSA! WE GOT A COUPLE OF RUNAWAYS!"  
  
The swordsmen were breathing heavily as they awaited the being Gertie called 'Barsa'. Then suddenly...  
  
"MEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!"  
  
Before anyone could blink, an equally creepy woman with an eye patch zoomed through the room on a broomstick. She flew around for a few seconds and landed beside Gertie. She glared at Marth, who happened to be standing in front of her, with her freakish good eye.  
  
"Where'd you pick this one up at? A vegetarian store?" Barsa commented, glaring at Marth, who in turn gave her an equally evil glare.  
  
Gertie whacked Barsa with the broom. "Barsa, you numbskull! There's three of'em this time! Go be useful and help me chase'em down, will ya?!"  
  
Barsa grabbed the broom back from her evil counterpart and began to get on. "This shouldn't be too hard!"  
  
"I'll take him and the one in the green get-up over here on the left! You take the scrawny one near the door!" Gertie directed, motioning towards the swordsmen.  
  
"ExCUSE me?!" Roy shouted, giving the evil granny's defiant stare.  
  
"READYSETGO!" Gertie cried quickly as the two women from Hecktown began to chase after the three swordsmen.  
  
"Yipers!" Roy exclaimed as Barsa, floating on her broom, backed him into a corner. He looked around in panic. "Hey, uh, I like your dress."  
  
Barsa gave Roy a questioning look. "Huh? Really?"  
  
"Uh... Yeah! It's from Holland, isn't it? It really brings out the gray in your hair. Say..." Roy grinned. "Have you ever tried modeling?"  
  
Barsa blushed. "Modeling? Hm... I've never really thought about it... Y'know, my third cousin from Belgium was into modeling. She traveled to many countries with her Swedish fiancée Bob who happened to---"  
  
"Whoopee!" cried Roy as he dove under the woman and made an escape for the kitchen in the next room.  
  
Barsa gasped and tore after the pyro. "You little rodent!"  
  
Meanwhile, Marth and Link were having some problems of they're own.  
  
"Y-Y'know, we have sharp objects to impale you with." Link mentioned to Gertie the Terrible.  
  
"You don't say?" Gertie grinned.  
  
"As a matter of fact, we all do. So I suggest that unless you want to end up a smelly old lady kabob with your sister there, you should move out of the way." Marth pointed out wryly.  
  
"Ah. And if that would work, I probably would." Gertie replied.  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?" Link asked.  
  
"Eeheeheeheehee!" Gertie cackled. "I am a witch, my dears. The former Wicked Witch of the West, to be exact. Nothing can hurt me! I have been tracked down many a time, especially by that annoying girl in plaid and her pesky dog. I've been melted numerous times and sure, it took me a second to put all my molecules back together, but even if you do cut me up, I can always reform back into my perfect self!"  
  
There was a short silence.  
  
"Oh..." Link mused out loud. "That's kinda bad."  
  
"Sort of throws a wrench into things, doesn't it?" Gertie added.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Hey, Gertie," Marth began. "What's it like being the youngest sister out of you and Barsa?"  
  
"I don't follow," replied Gertie.  
  
Marth continued. "I mean, you must have gotten all the attention, all the love..."  
  
"Well actually--- hey, how did you know I was the youngest?" Gertie glared at the swordsman suspiciously.  
  
"I'm the youngest, too." Marth continued. "And Barsa reminds me a lot of my older sister."  
  
Link snickered.  
  
"Well," Gertie crossed her arms in repulsion. "Most people would think that the youngest child always gets all the love and attention. We can't help it, we're so darn cute. But that's SO not true!"  
  
"You don't say?" Marth added.  
  
"Barsa was the one always getting the attention! 'Oh, look at Barsa doing ballet!' 'Oh, Gertrude, why couldn't you be more like Barsa?' 'Oh, look at the way Barsa folds her clothes!' BARSA, BARSA, BARSA!!" Gertie mimicked in anger and began to sob.  
  
"There, there." Link patted Gertie on the shoulder. "We feel your pain."  
  
Gertie looked up sadly. "Y-You do...?"  
  
"Well, uh... he does." Link pointed to Marth.  
  
"Really...?"  
  
"Uh... yeah. Of course!" Marth answered, though visions of his sister having tantrums when he got his way instead of her, his sister throwing a fit when he got a better tiara than she did, and his sister getting angry when he got the last cookie went through his mind. He grinned. "It's tough, I know."  
  
Gertie walked over to the table, sat in a chair, and sobbed helplessly. "It's like someone finally understands me after ALL THESE YEARS! I knew I didn't need that therapy after the broccoli incident!"  
  
"Don't you go to therapy too, Marth?" Link asked quietly.  
  
"Shut up."  
  
Marth and Link walked over to Gertie reluctantly as the witch began to poor out her sob story to the two swordsmen.  
  
"... And there I was! Forty-two years old with nowhere to go! All I had to look back on was betrayal and deceit! I had no choice but to turn to a life of crime! Then little Ms. Pigtails had to come and drop a HOUSE of all things on my other sister from Philadelphia! So I..."  
  
Marth fell asleep from the Gertie's story as his head landed on the table with a loud bang. Gertie continued. "... And I said to her, 'I'll get you my pretty! And your little dog, too!' Seriously, I wanted that dog! It was so cute with its little nose and fur and the way it followed that evil little girl everywhere..."  
  
Link felt his eyelids grow heavy and his blue eyes began to glance around the room tiredly. It was then that he spotted something metal and shiny in a corner of the room behind them. He had to do a double take. If they could just lure Gertie over to the metal contraption...  
  
The Hylian tapped Marth silently on the shoulder, forcing him to wake up from his short nap. He looked up at Link with a questioning expression and mouthed, "What?"  
  
Link jerked his head quickly in the direction of the medium-sized cage in the corner. Marth eyes widened as he quickly got the idea. The lock was still intact, but unlocked and hanging on the bars. The two swordsmen looked at eachother in agreement.  
  
"And of course it wasn't fair that I was a witch with no magic! So what? I knew this! But Barsa didn't have magic either! So there! I was the one with the astounding way of making myself look like a real witch! I was PLANNING on being a make-up artist for movies, you see. But no, she was the one with the ballet skills and still being able to fly on that dumb broom of hers. But with my arthritis, you can't expect me to get up on one of those things! Then I thought..." Gertie continued to ramble on and on and on...  
  
"Well, it seems like you've had a very rough life, Gertie." Marth interrupted.  
  
"The roughest!" Gertie agreed.  
  
"We sympathize with you all the same. While we listen to your story, how about you show us that broom of yours over there by the back corner? It looks very... interesting..." Link chose his last words carefully.  
  
"Yeah! Could you show us, please?" Marth pleaded and motioned towards the broom, which was leaning conveniently located on the wall beside the cage.  
  
Gertie thought a moment. "Well, I guess so. It's nothing special. Not as special as BARSA'S."  
  
The witch got up and began to walk over to the broom. Marth and Link got up from their chairs and followed.  
  
Gertie had made it to the broom and picked it up. She held it out in front of her and looked at it. "There. See? Nothing special at all. Just a dumb piece of wood with straw on the end."  
  
"Hm. You're right. So if I just take the handle here and..." Marth grabbed the handle in one swift motion, pulling the broom out of Gertie's hands.  
  
Marth then quickly shoved Gertie with the broom, knocking her over into the cage.  
  
"Hurry, Marth!" Link cried as Marth fumbled nervously with the lock. He eventually got it clasped around the door and locked it.  
  
"There." Marth breathed a sigh of relief. "Heh. How'd you like that, Gertie?"  
  
Gertie became irritated. "You evil little blue-haired bug! I'll squash you when I get out of here! And the little blond, too!"  
  
"Save if for Judge Judy, ya renegade grandma." Marth replied flatly.  
  
"Let's go!" Link began to run to the entryway between the room they were in and the kitchen. "Roy's around here somewhere!"  
  
Marth followed Link into the kitchen as they began to look for Roy and Barsa.  
  
As this was happening, Barsa was tiptoeing carefully around the upstairs. "Oh, little red-haired rodent! Where are you...?"  
  
'Yeah, like I'm gonna tell you where I am, ya ninny,' Roy thought to himself.  
  
The swordsman before had quickly ran up what seemed to be a bedroom on the second floor while Barsa was in the kitchen looking for him in a cookie jar. When he had ran into the kitchen, he quickly hid in a cupboard, waiting until something shiny (the cookie jar) had distracted her attention. He then ran upstairs and found the greatest hiding spot in the world: scrunched up into a ball in a dusty corner of the room between another cupboard and a bed.  
  
It was a bit tight.  
  
'Wow, it's hard to breathe here,' Roy thought to himself. 'And a bit warm.' He grabbed his collar and tugged on it in an attempt to feel cooler. 'I wonder when Attila the Hun there will find me...'  
  
"... Come out, my child! Where are you hiding?" Barsa began to get closer.  
  
'I ain't yer child!' Roy thought in disgust. Barsa's footsteps could be heard just outside the door.  
  
"Hellooooo...? Anybody in here?"  
  
'Of course not.' thought Roy. Too bad he hadn't disguised himself as well as he thought. As Barsa peeked into the room, she spotted a mop of red peeking up just above the bed in the corner. She grinned.  
  
"Well, I guess I'll just have to search somewhere else! Meeheehee..." Barsa didn't leave the room. She quietly snuck over to the bed instead.  
  
Roy didn't know that this was one of the oldest tricks in the book. He had his teeth clenched and was preparing for his unveiling to Barsa when she spotted him. 'Is she still there?' Roy thought again. 'I'll just check for a split second and...'  
  
The swordsman looked above the bed.  
  
"Hello there!" Barsa replied, leaning against the wall by the bed with her broom.  
  
'... Crap.' was Roy's last thought as he ducked back behind the bed.  
  
"Eep!" was all he could say. Roy then began to crawl under the bed.  
  
"Oh, no you don't!" Barsa cried and made an attempt to grab Roy. She jumped on the bed, making the springs creak, with Roy beneath it.  
  
"GAK!" Roy cried as the world came toppling down on him from one bed.  
  
He quickly scrambled out from under the bed as Barsa was trying to escape the evil blankets that had entangled her in their web of evil. Roy ran out the door and began to run frantically down the steps.  
  
"Guys?! Anybody?!" he screamed, hoping Link or Marth would hear him. Hopefully they had gotten away from Gertie.  
  
"Roy!" came the replies from his fellow swordsmen who were at the bottom of the steps.  
  
"Hurry up!" Marth shouted to Roy.  
  
Roy jumped down the last five steps to Link and Marth. They ran quickly to the door of the house. Roy stared at Gertie in the cage.  
  
"Well, hello there!" Roy smiled cheerily at Gertie.  
  
"Meh! You little booger! I'll get out of here! I swear I will!" Gertie cried, trying to bite the lock. "BARSA! WHERE ARE YOU, YOU USELESS LUMP OF MDGADGKHDSK..."  
  
The witch's words were muffled by her trying to bite the lock in two.  
  
Roy then took out the Sword of Seals and with one swipe burned down the door. The three swordsmen escaped out the door, never to return. The fire caused a chemical reaction with the gingerbread and caused a lethal meltdown. The gingerbread melted over the doorway, blocking out any escape, and turned into a rare substance only known by a few people. Attempting to touch it would cause a chemical reaction in your body, which would then turn you into a mutant. Or something.  
  
Marth, Roy, and Link ran back through the woods, hoping that a randomly placed FBI agent would be there.  
  
---  
  
Author's Notes: Meowza, that was a long freakin' chapter. Meh. My back hurts. Oi...  
  
Whoo... I don't have much to say.  
  
Marth- You could say that's probably the longest chapter you've ever made.  
  
Roy- Or that Spiderman 2 was cool.  
  
Link- Or that you're weird.  
  
Hm. That's true. I could say those things. Yipers, that took me about four or five hours! Ox  
  
Roy- WHY do you torture us so?  
  
I'm not torturing you! It's just a story. It's not like I turned it into an angsty 'Roy-gets-stabbed-tortured-thrown-out-a-window' story like Kai angst in the Beyblade section.  
  
Roy- And I thank you for that.  
  
That was actually kinda fun.  
  
Marth- 'Fun'? Are you mad?!  
  
No, I don't think so...  
  
Marth- ::sigh:: Why do it.  
  
Hm. Not much to say 'bout this chapter except MEESH! My back hurts! Pity me, Roy.  
  
Roy- Nah, that's okay.  
  
Link- I will.  
  
Well, thank you LINK. As your reward, I will now show you an interesting picture of you I saw at Fanart Central.  
  
Link- Hey, hey! Lemme see tha--- ACK! ::is shocked into silence::  
  
Remember, lads and lassies: ALWAYS put the CORRECT rating on your picture.  
  
Roy- That goes for fanfiction, too!  
  
And that's the lesson for today. Remember! Eat your green vegetables and you can grow up to be SPIDERMAN! YAY! G'night! 


	12. I've Got the Urge to Herbal!

Author's Notes: This chapter will be the final installment of 'Surviving the States'. I'd like to give a special 'thanks-a-plenty' cheer to my brother who came up with the ending for this chapter. W00t, w00t.  
  
I've been feeling kind of funny today and I'm not sure why. I just feel... different.  
  
Roy- More than usual.  
  
Yes. Not to mention that I had a dream last night that Drew Carey was a murderer. This is the truth, because I remember in my dream I was watching the news (which then turned into a show for some reason) and Drew Carey lured a woman who was at a reunion to a creek and... I won't go on. This either occurred because I've been spending too much time thinking about this fic or I've watched too much Detective Conan. Or Case Closed. Or whatever.  
  
'Who's Line' is on. Colin's rapping. Oo  
  
Link- ::imitating the TV:: YOPLAIT! NOW WITH VITAMIN D!  
  
Stop.  
  
Link- Yessir.  
  
Don't call me that. I'm not a 'sir'. Call me Lady Neko.  
  
Link- Hey, this isn't Fire Emblem. Go soak your head in OJ!  
  
::soaks head:: Yummy! Alright, now we're getting off the track we were never on. I'm currently looking at a picture of Link from the 2005 Zelda game. Meeheehee...  
  
Link In Picture- AHH! DON'T LOOK AT ME! ;;  
  
Okies, this disclaimer is ending NOW. Why I typed all that is beyond me...  
  
Long chapter ahead! More than eight pages! Just a little warning. You might want to take an intermission here and there.  
  
---  
  
A mixture of miscellaneous sounds could be heard. Police sirens, random chatter, and handcuff clicks were some of the more outward noises. People from all over Hecktown gathered around outside the "Do Not Pass" tape that circled the area. The police were writing down notes and checking the rest of the vicinity.  
  
"What's going on?" one lonely child eating a Snickers asked another.  
  
"I dunno! Maybe it was a MURDER!" the girl replied, picking her nose.  
  
Just then, a young boy walked over to the two children. He had big glasses framed around his blue eyes and his dark hair was cut similar to that of a really smart guy. He wore a blue suit topped off with a red tie and... shorts. And sneakers.  
  
"Hello, people! What happened?" the boy asked.  
  
The lonely Snickers child began to answer, "We don't kn---"  
  
"IT WAS A MURDER! MURDEEEEERRRR!" screamed the eccentric girl. Many gasps were heard at the cry of 'murder'.  
  
The smart kid thought for a moment. His voice was different in his mind. 'Hmm... Judging by the angle of the spectrum within the secured area and the position of the vehicle to the left I'd say that this entire ordeal was a woman's plan to get revenge on a guy name Mr. Snuffupplekins who was her childhood lover in 1492 and tragically left her for a muffin. There's only one question I have that could determine the whole outcome of this case: who... let... the dogs out.'  
  
As the smart kid pondered on the tragic 'Bowwow' incident, three swordsmen watched a few feet away from the scene. They were standing side by side, peering at the commotion in front of them.  
  
Suddenly thirteen police officers appeared out of the woods with two identifiable women with them in handcuffs. One looked saddened... as if she had just relived her whole tragic life. The other looked crazed and demented with the eye-patch she swiped from a pirate back when she was in the Navy. Or bought it from a costume shop. You can never be too sure.  
  
The swordsmen smirked evilly.  
  
"Well," the prince of Altea replied. "Our work here is done."  
  
"Meeheeheehee..." cackled Link. "Now you'll be in an even bigger cage! For TWENTY YEARS!"  
  
Roy replied with a maniacal laugh. "MWAHAHAHAHA! REVENGE IS SWEET!"  
  
Link tapped Roy's head quickly. "Sleep."  
  
The redhead fell asleep quickly and collapsed. Marth just sighed. He had been doing that a lot lately. 'Wow, that was easy enough. Why didn't I do that a long time ago?' he thought. 'I wonder how much longer we're going to have to be here? It's hard to go somewhere else if you don't even know where you are yourself... Geez, the people in this town are more dense than Bowser knocked unconscious with a shovel.'  
  
As this was happening, the smart boy from before was wandering around the site. He had begun to look for clues that would prove his case. Possibly, if he could just figure out that dog situation...  
  
'Man, I just can't get it!' the boy thought. 'I know that Joe let out the Chihuahua by accidentally leaving the door unlocked, but I just don't know about that Schnauzer! And that beagle looked very suspicious...'  
  
The kid wandered around, unaware he had walked into the swordsmen's territory. Thinking very hard, he didn't notice when he tripped over sleeping Roy.  
  
"Whoopsie!" cried the boy as he tumbled to the ground.  
  
"EEPERS!" Roy screamed when the boy landed on top of him. He quickly crawled away and whimpered behind a tree.  
  
"Roy! Get back here!" Marth called to Roy, who was now barking at a cat in the tree. He noticed the child attempting to regain balance in front of him. "Uh, hello. Who might you be?"  
  
The boy stood up and glared at Marth suspiciously. "I'm Conan... and you are?"  
  
"Marth..." the swordsman replied, returning an identical glare back at Conan.  
  
"Hmm... What are you doing here?"  
  
"Standing... What are YOU doing here?"  
  
Conan began to panic. "I-I'm not doing anything! I'm not s-solving a crime trapped in a kid's body or a-a-anything like that..."  
  
The Hylian squinted at the child and bent down so he was about 3.67 inches from his face. "Whaddya want with us?"  
  
"Oh, nothing..." Conan replied innocently.  
  
The two remaining swordsman raised an eyebrow at the evil little smart kid. He knew something, but what?  
  
Marth suddenly realized something. "Hey! You wouldn't happen to know what town we're in, would you?"  
  
'Town?' Conan thought. 'He doesn't know what town we're in? Wait a minute. WHY doesn't he know? You think you'd know what town you're in if you're there... They know something. I'd better play it cool for awhile, try to get something out of them. But how?' Conan looked towards Roy, who was now actually in the tree. 'Hmm...'  
  
Roy was on a branch in the medium-sized tree. His cries for help could not be heard, for his fellow Smashers were entered competing in a staring contest of their own. They were deaf to the world around them.  
  
"Heeeelp...?" Roy whined slowly. "Aaaanybodyyyy...? Heeeey... I'm trapped in a treeeeee..."  
  
Roy was so preoccupied with his determination to return to land, he didn't notice the small boy running towards the tree below.  
  
Conan the Smarty reached the tree and crouched beside it. He took off his clip-on red tie, aimed a little... 'aiming thing' at Roy, pushed something behind the tie, and it shot out very thin needle thingy.  
  
The needle looking thing hit Roy in the neck, knocking him out of the tree. The crash from his fall acquired the attention of Link and Marth.  
  
"Marth! Roy just fell out of the tree!" Link cried.  
  
"Heh! You blinked!" Marth laughed, then realized what his friend had just said. "What? Roy fell?"  
  
The two got up and ran to the tree. Roy was sitting against the tree, his head hanging downward so his entire face was hidden.  
  
"Roy! Roy, are you alright?" Marth shook the redhead's shoulders.  
  
Link gasped loudly. "HE'S DEAD!"  
  
"He's not DEAD. He's just passed out." Marth continued to attempt to revive Roy. "C'mon, Roy. Get up..."  
  
"It's alright. I'm fine." A voice that sounded exactly like Roy's replied. His body didn't move.  
  
"Yay! It lives!!" Link clapped.  
  
Roy's voice spoke again. "I have something very important to tell you guys. I have found out the name of the town we are in."  
  
Crouching hidden behind a bush, Conan watched the two swordsmen kneeling in front of KO'ed Roy. As Conan spoke into the tie, Roy's voice came out of it. Nifty.  
  
"Really? Well, what is it?" Marth asked encouragingly.  
  
"The town we are in is called..."  
  
Link blinked. "Yes...?!"  
  
"...Hecktown."  
  
There was a short pause.  
  
"Well, DUH!" Link retorted.  
  
"You're not serious... Are you?" the blue-haired swordsman replied.  
  
He replied, "I am very serious. I'm going to go to sleep now. Goodnight."  
  
Marth and Link looked at eachother in disbelief. Hecktown? The name they had been calling it all along was the real name? It was almost too weird to be believable.  
  
Just then, Conan appeared 'out of nowhere', his tie in place. "Hello everyone!"  
  
"Whoa..." came a quiet moan from Roy. He looked up slowly, holding his head, and blinked. "What just happened?"  
  
"Roy! You're awake! I can't believe what we've been calling the town all along is the real name!" Marth cried. "How did you know?"  
  
Roy appeared confused, but decided he had done something smart and went along with it anyway. "I... I just did! Like in a dream! ...Or something!"  
  
"Wow, Roy! You must be the smartest of the three, correct?" Conan asked, secretly trying to get info on the trio. "You're so cool!"  
  
Roy blushed, but tried to hide it. "Well... of course! Who wouldn't think so? HAHAHAHA!"  
  
Marth glared at Conan. Was the boy daft?  
  
"Right..." he replied. "Say, Conan was it? Yeah. Could you take us to the nearest airport?"  
  
The smarty arty pondered on this for a moment. "Why, yes! Yes I could! Meeheeheehee..."  
  
Link gasped in horror. "EVIL DEMON CHILD! NOOOOOOO!"  
  
The older swordsman stood up, grabbing the other two. He pulled them up beside him. "Ignore him. Now could you show us to the airport?"  
  
"Yepyep!" Conan responded happily, beginning to skip ahead down the road.  
  
'Yepyep?' he thought. 'That's about the dumbest thing I've ever heard...'  
  
The three Smashers followed their new 'friend'. They walked along the sidewalk, watching Conan skip happily and singing the Japanese version of the Powerpuff Girls theme, 'Creampuff Shuffle'. It was about the most annoying thing that had ever had the pleasure of gracing their ears, but they decided not to mention it to him. After all, he was just a little kid and probably had a sensitive ego.  
  
"Is it just me, or is that a song even I wouldn't sing?" Roy whispered to Link, who nodded heartily in agreement.  
  
After walking for a bit, Marth began to wonder if Conan was even leading them to the right spot. He WAS just a kid, and he thought that maybe he was playing a game with them. He watched in horror as Conan switched from 'Creampuff Shuffle' to...  
  
"Memorieeeees! All alone in the moonliiiiiight!"  
  
Marth laughed nervously. "Conan... do you think you know any other songs?"  
  
"Yeah, people-friendly ones?" Roy commented. He received a firm slap to the head from his blue-haired buddy.  
  
'Geez, I thought those were the songs people liked these days!' confused Conan thought. 'If I had known they didn't, I wouldn't have acted like a Deku Nut and sang'em in the first place! Why doesn't anyone tell me these things?'  
  
Conan smiled innocently and replied, "We're almost there! Just a bit further!"  
  
The three swordsmen sighed heavily. When they decided to do this, they had no idea there would be so much walking and use of energy involved. Surely they would get paid for this.  
  
After a few more minutes (Conan wouldn't lie), they reached the airport.  
  
Marth, who was about to snap already, emitted a loud relieved sigh. He ran from Conan and his buddies and went immediately to the airport window. Leaning on the glass with a joyful feeling in his heart, he spoke these words, "I... am SO glad... we finally made it..." and then, "I am going to KEEL whoever sent us here."  
  
"Marth! Wait up!" came a call from Link. Marth turned around and saw Roy, Link, and Conan running towards him from the sidewalk.  
  
They ran across the giant parking lot towards the airport. It was fairly big with high, glass walls that let you see inside. There were tons of different people walking around, checking in, checking out, and meeting other families. Service desks were everywhere. There were even booths set up for different cities that were near their current location. Yeah, they were pretty sure Conan wasn't lying.  
  
Peeling himself off of the glass window, Marth stood up straight and brushed himself off. "Well Conan, thanks for all your help! You can go back to your home now."  
  
Conan gave Marth the same evil glare as before. "Oh, I'M not going anywhere..."  
  
"What the heck's that supposed to mean?" Roy bent down and glared at the smarty.  
  
"It means I know what you're up to! I've got it all figured out! You're goin' nowhere!" Conan stood bravely.  
  
"What are you talking about?" Link was confused. "Did we do something?"  
  
"HAH!" shouted Conan. "You think I'm going to buy into your 'oh-so- innocent' act? Well, I'm not as gullible as Neko who lives down the street! I'M NOT BUYIN' IT!"  
  
Marth patted the eccentric kid on the head. "Cute. Anyways, we'll be seeing ya."  
  
The swordsmen walked past Conan towards the Hecktown Airport door. Just as Link put his hand on the clear glass door to push it open, Conan continued to spaz.  
  
"WAIT!" he shrieked. "I have just one thing to ask you!"  
  
"What?" Marth asked him flatly.  
  
"Do you know... the muffin man?"  
  
Roy leaned in closer and replied suspiciously, "The muffin man?"  
  
"The muffin man!"  
  
"..."  
  
"..."  
  
"No, do you?"  
  
"Nope. I was just wondering." Conan shrugged. "I heard he's been causing some trouble lately. With this murder going on, EVERYONE'S a suspect."  
  
There was a short pause as the confused swordsmen stared at evil little Conan.  
  
"Yeah, well... G'bye!" Link replied and pushed open the door.  
  
The trio walked through the door and into the airport. Conan was too busy scheming to realize his three top suspects had gone inside. Of course, he realized this about half a minute afterwards.  
  
"WAIT! MY SUSPECTS!" shrieked Conan as he eventually got the heavy door open. "Man! No one makes doors for short people anymore!"  
  
As the swordsmen walked around the airport, they realized how just how big it was. They wandered around, looking for a desk that could give them the info they needed.  
  
"Okay..." Marth thought out loud. "There's the service desk... there's the lost child desk... there's the Cheeses of the World desk... Jeez! Which one do we go to?"  
  
Walking closely behind Marth, Link and Roy were walking silently. They stared as they passed all the desks and people.  
  
"Mom! Look! Those guys have---!" began a pre-teen boy walking with his mom and dad.  
  
"No, Jason! Don't say it!" cried the mother.  
  
"---SWORDS!" the boy continued, pointing at Link, Roy, and Marth. Marth raised an eyebrow at the kid as they stopped and stared at the family.  
  
A six-year-old pigtailed girl, sister to the boy, began to jump up and down like a maniac. "SHARP POINTED OBJECTS! SHARP POINTED OBJEEEEEECTS!!"  
  
The girl began to run wildly among the family as well as the three swordsmen. She was screaming and shrieking about sharp pointed objects. The horrors.  
  
"Emily! Come back here! Darn it, Jason!" cried the dad as he chased the girl everywhere.  
  
"Daddy! It wasn't my fault! I didn't mean to!" yelled the boy.  
  
"THE SWORDSSSSS!" shrieked the girl, waving her arms in the air at her father. "THE PRECIOUSSSSSS!"  
  
"GET BACK HERE EMILY! I MEAN IT!" the dad made a giant, heroic leap onto the girl, landed on her, then picked her up by her legs. She dangled upside down as a few on-lookers... well, looked on.  
  
"Hi daddy!" the girl waved at her dad from upside down.  
  
The dad glared at her. "That's it! No more dinner for the rest of your life!"  
  
The girl pouted, crossed her arms, and said in a gruff gansta voice, "Curses! Foiled again!"  
  
The family left in a hurry, the embarrassment of Emily the Six-Year-Old Gansta setting in fast. Roy was confused, as well as Link, and Marth decided to ignore it and not to ask questions. All they could do was continue.  
  
While they walked, all of a sudden some sort of noise could be heard across the entire airport. It was faint, but could still be heard.  
  
"...PIECE OF LOOOOOOOOVE...!"  
  
Link's ears twitched as he made a disgusted face.  
  
Roy covered his ears. "Ew! Who died?!"  
  
Marth listened carefully, at risk of getting his ears burned off by the horrific sound. After listening for a moment, he realized the horrible truth. "Oh. My. Stars."  
  
"What the freak is it?!" Roy shouted, still covering his ears.  
  
"It's... Someone's... singing... J-POP!!!" Marth cried. He sobbed silently.  
  
Roy began to scream like a schoolgirl and fell to the floor. Link, with his sensitive ears, nearly went deaf from the horribleness of the noise. They tried to continue to move on, but when they got a ways, they realized where the sound was coming from.  
  
"Ah man..." Marth half gasped. "That song was on my movie too... Jeez, they killed it!"  
  
To the left of them was a small stage with a blond-haired girl standing on top of it, belting out 'Piece of Love' by Shazna. This airport was a certified death zone. No one was safe.  
  
"AHH!" Roy snapped when the reached the area where karaoke was taking place. He pointed to the nearest exit. "WOMEN AND CHILDREN FIRST!"  
  
All of a sudden, another girl ran up the stairs on the side of the stage. She ran towards the other girl just in time, for she was singing another song.  
  
"KITTO ANATA NO KAZE GA FUKU KARAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" screamed the girl as she was shoved off the front of the stage and onto the floor.  
  
"Move it, sister! This is my stage now!" the girl that had pushed off the other shrieked and grabbed the microphone. "This is a song for all you lovers out there."  
  
The rock-ish music began to start.  
  
"Hey, Roy," Link pointed to the stage. "Isn't that Neko?"  
  
"Hmm... Yeah, it is!" Roy remembered. Marth didn't care and neither did anyone else.  
  
Neko onstage began to burst into song. "What comes up must come down! Hear my feet don't touch the ground! See the world spinning upside down! A mighty crash without a sound!"  
  
Marth gave Neko a funky look. "... What in the world is she singing?"  
  
"... Like a laser beam, my eyes on you! Watch me roll the night away! Watch me save the day! Feel my strongest gettin' close! Heading your waaaaaay! SONIC HEROES! SONIC HEROES!"  
  
"Oh my Lord." Marth replied, slapping his face and watching through his fingers.  
  
"...FIND YOU! CONFIDE YOU! DIVIDING A BLAAAAAAAZE! SONIC HEROES! SONIC HEROES!"  
  
Marth mumbled through his fingers, "Okay. This has to stop."  
  
Roy looked up at the stage, then at Link. The nodded once in agreement. "No problem, boss! Leave it to us!"  
  
"Great." Marth agreed as Roy and Link strutted over to the stage. "Wait a minute... Not great! NOT GREAT! Get back here!"  
  
"AND TOGETHER WE STAND STRONG NO MATTER HOW! NO ONE CAN BRING US DOWN! HEEEEEEEY---AAAAAAAH!" screamed Neko as she was shoved off the front of the stage.  
  
When she regained consciousness, she glanced up at the girl in front of her. It was the girl she had pushed off before; glaring at her from the seat she was sitting in. She had acquired an arm cast, neck brace, and an eye patch. Neko laughed nervously and looked back up at the stage.  
  
Of course, Roy and Link had taken over in an attempt to save everyone's ears. Like I said, it was an attempt.  
  
"MAKE A MONKEY OUT, MAKE A MONKEY OUT, DON'T MAKE A MONKEY OUTTA ME!" Roy sang loudly and repeated the phrase four times, starting out a very good song with weird lyrics. Link was waiting for his turn to jump in.  
  
'Oh, not now! We've gotta get out of here!' Marth thought in panic. 'I have to get them down from there. Why me, Lord? Why?' Marth ran towards the stage.  
  
"Narippanashi no! Denwa wo yoso ni! Noizu darake no Raaaaaaadioooo..." Link began.  
  
"Alright guys! That's enough singing for today!" Marth shouted as he began to climb up the front of the stage.  
  
Roy gasped at Marth and kicked him off the stage before he barely got on. "THAT IS DISRESPECTFUL TO THE STAGE!"  
  
Marth quickly got up, ran to the side of the stage, up the stairs, and reached Link and Roy. He grabbed both their microphones and put them back in the stand. Then he grabbed both their arms and dragged them off the stage.  
  
They had gotten away from the karaoke area when Neko realized she had a chance to get back up on stage. So with her new friend, the blond with the eye patch, Neko ran up to the stage and began to sing the Irish Drinking Song with her friend.  
  
The trio swordsmen began to walk towards another desk. It read in big letters on a sign above, 'TICKETS AND PASSPORTS'.  
  
"Ha, there it is," Marth commented and walked over to the desk.  
  
A woman in a blue suit looked up at her new customer. "What?"  
  
"Um, we need three passports, please." Marth told the woman.  
  
"To where...?" The woman asked.  
  
While Marth was doing all the technical stuff and getting the passports, Roy and Link looked back to the karaoke stage. They saw Neko and the blond getting dragged off the stage by the MIB. Neko was biting their ears and screaming, "You may take our lives, but you will never take our FREEEEEDOOOOOMMMM!"  
  
Roy cocked his head to one side. "Remember when we first got here? Neko said she wasn't going to be here long."  
  
"Yeah," Link recalled. "... But why do we care?"  
  
"Hm. You're right. Ah, well."  
  
"Alright. I got the passports from little Miss Sunshine over there." Marth returned with three passports.  
  
"Call me sometime, doll!" the woman yelled to Marth from the desk with a Brooklyn accent. "We'll chat!"  
  
'Yeah, I bet we will,' Marth thought, rolling his eyes. He then turned to Link and Roy. "We should get going."  
  
The three began to walk towards the long, dark tunnel that would lead them towards their destination: the plane. Roy began to think as they walked. 'Wow, Marth must have had a lot of money to by three passports just like that... I wonder...'  
  
Marth and Link eventually made it to the tunnel and showed the man standing off to the side their passports. They walked down the tunnel and towards the outside a ways, then spotted their plane. There was a row of them lined up near eachother. Some were being taken towards another building, possibly for storage.  
  
Back inside the airport...  
  
Roy was wandering around the airport after quickly stopping in the restroom.  
  
"Marth? Link? Where are you guys?" Roy looked all around but there was no sign of his companions. "They couldn't have left without me... could they?"  
  
He wandered around some more, asking every person if they had seen any sign of the two swordsmen.  
  
"Man, where did they go?"  
  
Back on the plane...  
  
Marth and Link were sitting comfortably in their seats. Sure, it wasn't first class, but their budget was a bit tight.  
  
Link began to watch out the window as many people came out of the tunnel and went onto airplanes.  
  
"Link..." Marth asked suddenly. "Where's Roy?"  
  
Back inside the airport...  
  
"I'M SO LONELYYYYY!" Roy cried to the heavens and began to sob on the floor. He didn't notice the man come up behind him.  
  
"Roy..." the man replied, grabbing him on the shoulder. Roy looked up and gasped.  
  
Back on the plane...  
  
"Please, you have to let us off!"  
  
"I'm sorry, sir. But I can't let you do that."  
  
"Seven minutes until take-off! Everyone please remain in your seats!"  
  
"You don't understand! Our friend's lost in the airport somewhere!" Marth begged the flight attendant.  
  
"Yeah! We have to go back and get him or he'll never make it on the plane!" added Link.  
  
"I'm sorry, I can't let you off now. Please take your seats."  
  
Back inside the airport...  
  
"Drew! I can't believe it! After the gingerbread incident I thought you had... had..." Roy jumped up and cried happily.  
  
"I know what you mean. But when those ladies found me, fortunately, they said I was much too handsome to eat and they let me go!" Drew Carey explained.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Of course! Would I lie?"  
  
"You didn't just break the window glass by running into it while trying to fly Barsa's broom, fall out the window, and then escape, did you?"  
  
"..."  
  
Roy grinned. "I'm so glad you're here! I'm lost and I can't find the other two guys I was with! I think they went on the plane already!"  
  
"No problem! I'll take you to the tunnel!" Drew Carey offered the now happy Roy.  
  
Back on the plane...  
  
"GAH! What part of 'Our friend is going to be left here in this evil town all alone with a demented Barney while we're in a completely different land' DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?!" Marth grabbed the flight attendant's collar and screamed in his face.  
  
"Five minutes until take-off!"  
  
"Listen, buddy. If you don't cool it and sit down, I'm going to call security and report you for harassment, got it?" the attendant warned.  
  
"Fine!" Marth pouted and sat in his seat next to Link. Link glared at Marth. "What?"  
  
Back inside the airport...  
  
Roy had followed Drew Carey to the long tunnel that led to outside. Roy quickly showed the woman his passport and walked down the hall.  
  
"Thanks, Drew. I thought I was never gonna make it!" Roy thanked Drew and was about to walk out of the tunnel.  
  
"Don't mention it, Roy." Drew replied. But then he had flashbacks of the times he had with Roy during the trip; the singing, the breakdancing, the laughs... "Roy, wait."  
  
Roy spun around. "What is it?"  
  
Drew became teary-eyed at losing the only friend he ever had. Ever. "Roy... Are you sure you wouldn't want to... stick around a little while longer?"  
  
"Uh... yes? I have to leave! My friends are waiting." Roy replied and tried to walk out of the tunnel. "Let go of my arm, Carey. Be a man."  
  
Drew Carey let go of Roy's arm as Roy began to run out of the tunnel. When he almost made it out, Drew sniffled and yelled out to Roy, "GOOD LUCK ROY! AND REMEMBER! THE POINTS... DON'T... MATTERRRRRRR...!"  
  
Roy had ran out of the tunnel as Drew's yelling faded into the distance. He only had a few minutes. He had to hurry as quick as he could or he wouldn't make it!  
  
Back on the plane...  
  
"Three minutes! Please be seated!"  
  
Marth stared out the window. 'I can't believe this is happening! After all that, after finally getting the name of the town, the passports... and then Roy gets lost! Now there's only two of us going back home. This is worse than the time Pichu put raw eggs in his outfit and put it in the sun all day...'  
  
"Marth! Look!" Link shouted and pointed to another spot out the window.  
  
Marth gasped. "It's Roy! He made it out alive!"  
  
"Two minutes until take-off!"  
  
Roy ran as fast as he could. He knew he had very little time. Everything began to go in slow motion as he re-enacted a scene from everyone's favorite beach show. The 'Baywatch' theme began to play.  
  
Roy sprinted in slow-mo down towards the plane, the wind flowing through his hair.  
  
As he ran very slowly, two men that worked with the pet carriers ran in slow-mo beside him. They each had a bucket of water in their hands and threw the water all over Roy (in slow motion, of course!). Roy in turn ran his hands through his hair as if this were an Herbal Essence commercial.  
  
'I'm... gonna... make it! Almost there...' Roy thought as the 'Baywatch' theme ended and 'Chariots of Fire' could be heard in its place.  
  
"Hey! Enough of the slow-mo!" Roy yelled at the sky, worried he wouldn't make it if this continued. 'Chariots of Fire' scratched out and the speed was back.  
  
"Here he comes!" Marth shouted from the plane.  
  
The redhead made it to the plane. He had made it just in time as the attendant helped him on.  
  
"We got the last one!" shouted the flight attendant, shoving Roy into his seat and slamming the plane door shut. "Let's boogie!!"  
  
"Alright!" the captain shouted. "We're now ready for take-off! Everyone please remain in your seats until we tell you otherwise! LET IT RIDE!!"  
  
The plane began to rise in the air as the take-off commenced. Roy, Marth, and Link had all safely made it on the plane. After the take-off, the plane was soaring through the air and Roy was munching on airline peanuts.  
  
The captain began to speak once more. "Thank you for flying American Airlines! We hope you enjoy your flight to Africa! Have a ROCKIN' day!"  
  
"..."  
  
Short pause.  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
Captain Bowser turned around in his captain seat and winked at the passengers. Life was good.  
  
---  
  
Author's Notes: Sheeyaah! ::passes out:: O-O  
  
Link- Ten freakin' pages! My gosh!  
  
Well, it's the last chapter.  
  
Marth- Did we even make it back?  
  
C'mon, what do you think?  
  
Roy- I'VE GOT THE URGE! THE URGE TO HERBAL!  
  
Marth- Yes, I'm sure you do. Did we make it back?!  
  
::sigh:: Anyway, thanks to all who reviewed and gave me the courage to go on. ::wipes tear:: You all are so nice...  
  
Marth- Nice? To you? How sad...  
  
OO  
  
Link- Look! Eleven pages!  
  
Oh dear... looks like I should end this quick. Thank you EVERYBODY who offered ideas and reviewed! It was a big help! I'm planning to make more stories for this section. Maybe a serious one sometime... It could happen. Anyway, thanks again!  
  
Link- ::waves:: Goodbye!  
  
Marth- ::slaps Link's hand:: Bye.  
  
Roy- I'VE GOT THE URGE! THE URGE TO--- Oh. Bye! ::waves:: 


End file.
